conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2024-10-13 12:10 pm

Missing missing reasons!

Dear Annie: My 27-year-old grandson has stopped speaking to both his mother and me. We used to have a very close relationship, but that changed about a month ago. He and his girlfriend, who is quite controlling, have four children together, all under the age of 4. Unfortunately, his girlfriend has started arguments with us on three separate occasions over the same issue, and each time it results in us being cut off from seeing the kids.

Recently, I was hospitalized for 10 days, and my daughter informed him that I was in the intensive care unit. I expected him to reach out to see how I was doing, but I never heard from him. I've texted and called him multiple times, trying to understand why he's avoiding me, but he hasn't responded. It's gotten so bad that we didn't even know they were expecting their fourth child until after the baby was born.

I'm heartbroken and confused about the sudden distance between us. I'm looking for answers on how to handle this situation and whether there's any way to mend the relationship. -- Missing My Grandson


Dear Missing My Grandson: First of all, I'm glad to hear that you're out of the ICU and on the road to recovery. In terms of your expectations for your grandson to check in on you more often, or give you more attention, the best approach may be to simply reach out to him directly. With four young children (congratulations on being a great-grandma!), he's likely very busy but might actually appreciate hearing from you directly.

That being said, if you've made an effort to be there for him and your great-grandkids, and he continues to push you away, it's possible that your instincts are correct -- his wife may indeed be exerting control over him. The fact that she seems to pick fights with his family can sometimes be a red flag for narcissistic behavior.

Keep being kind and supportive to your grandson, but also try to accept that he's probably overwhelmed with the demands of parenting four kids under the age of 4. It's likely not personal, even though it may feel hurtful.

Link
minoanmiss: Nubian Minoan Lady (Nubian Minoan Lady)

[personal profile] minoanmiss 2024-10-13 07:01 pm (UTC)(link)

Indeed. IS that issue something like, say, dressing the children's hair with coconut oil when one or more are allergic? We wonder.

full_metal_ox: A gold Chinese Metal Ox zodiac charm. (Default)

[personal profile] full_metal_ox 2024-10-13 09:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Thought trying to run down jaywalkers was funny and wound up in the ICU from a resulting traffic accident?
julian: Picture of the sign for Julian Street. (Default)

[personal profile] julian 2024-10-13 04:26 pm (UTC)(link)
"Unfortunately, his girlfriend has started arguments with us on three separate occasions over the same issue, and each time it results in us being cut off from seeing the kids."

Gosh. I wonder what That Issue is! Pity she didn't tell us.
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)

[personal profile] azurelunatic 2024-10-13 11:06 pm (UTC)(link)
And who actually started that argument, LW? Who? [aggressive goose emoji goes here]

Did you perhaps bring up a subject that you know is a hot button and that the rest of your family has said that you should not? Perhaps?
serriadh: (Default)

[personal profile] serriadh 2024-10-16 01:54 pm (UTC)(link)
"Three separate occasions" and "three kids" rather stands out, doesn't it. What does grandma and great-grandma want to do to these kids? (My guess would be something religious/cultural - baptism, circumcision, choosing names.) And the parents have just noped right out of the argument for baby #4
topaz_eyes: (LtM-Cal-really?)

[personal profile] topaz_eyes 2024-10-13 05:22 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm looking for answers on how to handle this situation and whether there's any way to mend the relationship.

Maybe LW should start with what really happened a month ago, when grandson cut LW and his mother off. Definitely Annie should have called out LW for omitting that critical information.
castiron: cartoony sketch of owl (Default)

[personal profile] castiron 2024-10-13 05:54 pm (UTC)(link)
The Issue! So trivial that the LW won't even mention it, but so important that GF keeps bringing it up and cutting them off over it! And of course she's controlling, because it couldn't possibly be that LW's grandson agrees with her!
lilysea: Serious (Default)

[personal profile] lilysea 2024-10-13 06:57 pm (UTC)(link)
yes, I'm wondering if LW was the grandparent who threatened to baptise their grandchildren without parental consent

or the grandparent who threatened to circumcise their grandson without parental consent...
minoanmiss: (Minoan Woman by Ileliberte)

[personal profile] minoanmiss 2024-10-13 07:02 pm (UTC)(link)

How many possibilities can we com up with? I tossed out another above.

castiron: cartoony sketch of owl (Default)

[personal profile] castiron 2024-10-13 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
LW went on a tour of a local cave and picked up a ring she found on the ground, and GF wants LW to stop putting it on and turning invisible when in GF's house.
minoanmiss: A detail of the Ladies in Blue fresco (Default)

[personal profile] minoanmiss 2024-10-14 12:31 am (UTC)(link)

wheezes

ambyr: a dark-winged man standing in a doorway over water; his reflection has white wings (watercolor by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law) (Default)

[personal profile] ambyr 2024-10-13 09:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Howwwww do you jump straight to "girlfriend's a narcissist" and skip straight over the glaringly missing reasons, columnist? How?