agonyaunt | (no subject)

Dear Eric: My son is now a senior in high school but since he was a young boy, I could see that he was not really into school. He gets Cs and Ds and doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. I know that he is very smart, though.

My husband and I have been saving for his college education and I have been telling him that he can go to whatever college he wants.

He is an exceptional artist and his art, drawings, paintings are really good. I told him it is an excellent hobby but getting a degree is what he needs. We are a lower middle-class family. I just want him to have something better than what my husband and I have.

His cousins are all in college. One of them is in an Ivy League college and another is studying to be a doctor. The last time I mentioned college to my son, he said that he’s planning to go to a community college for two years and see what he wants after. Should I let him decide for himself? I’m afraid that when he is middle aged and struggling in the future he might regret that he didn’t pursue an education that would have made him financially comfortable. What should I do with the college fund we saved for him? Should I just give it to him? He is our only child.

– Confused Mom

Dear Mom: What a wonderful gift you’re giving your son. If you can, try to release your expectations from the gift. Comparing your son to his Ivy League-going cousins in the family is only going to make him feel trapped. A college education is important, but it doesn’t guarantee a life of financial stability. I completely understand and affirm your hopes, but there are other possibilities.

See him for who he is, champion that person, and teach him how to play to his strengths.

Talk with him about what he would want if there were no expectations on him. Explore options for getting a degree in art. It could lead to professional success in graphic design, branding, interior design, art education, film or hundreds of other fields.

Also, talk with him about taking a gap year. Don’t give him the college fund for this year, though. Getting real world experience – either at an entry level job or internship – before going to school will help him hone his vision for the future and make more strategic choices. I know you want a straight path to financial well-being; that’s commendable. I say this as someone who went to school for playwriting and is now writing to you from your newspaper: life will surprise you.

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So many thoughts, so little time.

1. I can understand why LW is worried about Son doing art as a career. My younger niece has actively decided to keep her art a hobby because she doesn't want to ruin something she loves by using it to make money, but also because she's seen her father struggle his entire life to become a successful artist. And now, after over two decades, he's more or less become a successful artist - he's able to support himself primarily through his art rather than his day job, and by "support himself" I mean he shares an apartment with three roommates.

No sarcasm, this is a huge accomplishment, but it's not exactly the sort of stability most of us would like from our lives.

2. However, LW, your son does not need a degree to have stability. Indeed, if you want your child to have excellent job prospects, forget college and encourage him to become an electrician or a plumber. Even if the construction ends someday, which it won't, we'll still need people to fix the existing infrastructure. (And if we don't, either it'll be because we've all ascended or because toilets and refrigeration have somehow become the very least of anybody's problems, and in either case I think money probably won't matter much anymore.)

3. Do not simply give him the college fund ffs. Tell him he can use now to pursue his education, however that looks. If he decides not to go to college or trade school or anything of the sort you'll dole it out over a period of a few years so he can't blow it all at once before he develops or learns some good financial sense. That's what rich people do with their kids' trust funds, and that's one of the reasons their kids all stay rich.

Edited 2024-10-01 20:37 (UTC)

LW, he said he wants to attend community college - let him! It's a great way for him to start getting credits at a lower cost than a 4-year university while exploring what he wants to do long-term. Also, rather than tell him that something he loves and is passionate about is just a hobby, help him explore what opportunities might exist that would make use of his talents. I've known quite a few people who went to school for photography, graphic design, visual arts, etc and made great careers for themselves in marketing. You could also see if your town/city has any kind of art grants that he might be interested in applying for - my city has had a huge public art initiative and has added 30+ murals in the past 5 years. These are things that could give him some income AND help build a professional portfolio, plus the receptions for these kinds of things are great networking events.

If LW is concerned about her son's future financial stability, then community college sounds like a great idea - unless they've put aside enough money that he can attend a private university with no debt, in which case, he's going to inherit so much someday that he'll be financially comfortable either way.

Unless you want to be a doctor or a lawyer or something specific, you really only need a degree these days - it doesn't really matter in what, when push comes to shove. There's no reason for him not to go to an art school (or a liberal arts school with a visual arts major) if that's his talent and his passion because there's nothing stopping him from getting a BA Visual Art (or whatever) and then settling into a "normal" [i.e., non-creative] middle class job.

A community college is an excellent plan! He can get some credits in general education in case he some day wants to pursue a degree, he can take art classes and look at avenues there, and/or he can pursue a trade like welding, auto repair, landscaping, construction, etc. Or maybe he'll discover a sudden passion for being a vet tech or radiology tech or a dental assistant or any number of high demand careers.

A gap year is a fantastic idea. Also, time to work and figure one's self out a bit while not having to go it alone can be pretty invaluable for a young adult, I think.

One of my friends who is a tenured professor at an R1 did her first two years of post-secondary at a community college. It doesn't sound likely that this kid will choose that path, but starting at community college doesn't rule out anything.