1. I wonder if there's a neurodiversity aspect here. "Not being good at conversational turn-taking" is a pretty common issue with ASD people who don't have a lot of obvious difficulties, and it's *way* less tolerated in women, and if she's otherwise just a little bit socially maladroit too, it would explain this MIL having a weird grudge. (Also I don't believe for a second that the entire rest of the family agrees with MIL, even if they don't appreciate the company I seriously doubt they are invested in breaking them up or think it's going to "destroy the family".)
Anyway LW none of that is in any way an excuse for what you want to do; none of this is even a reason to think she'd be a bad match for your son. It's a reason to be patient and respect your son's choices. You aren't actually obligated to sit around while she talks, anyway, *you* can practice taking the conversational lead back without being oppressively disrespectful. Queue up some of your own long boring stories and see what happens.
2. The problem here isn't your DIL being rude, it's your son not having the spine to be the one to kick his dad out, and that's your fault. You need to have a long talk with your son where you say you don't mean to monopolize his time or make him late and reassure him that he can always ask you to leave if he's too busy to chat and you won't hold grudges - and then live up to it.
3. Is it just me or do grandparents who talk about mostly wanting to see their kids' families so they can get grandkid access also increasingly give other people the heebie-jeebies?
If your son is using his wife's family as an excuse to never visit you at traditional family holidays, there's compromises you can work out (like visiting you in mid-December for a combined holiday, or a big summer trip to make up for it.) There's only the three of you, so it should be easy to make new family holiday traditions that won't conflict with anyone's inlaws. But honestly this whole letter gives off a very strong vibe of good for him.
4. This is actually really good advice!! Fix your gaslighting problem, then worry about the inlaws (if you still have any.)
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Anyway LW none of that is in any way an excuse for what you want to do; none of this is even a reason to think she'd be a bad match for your son. It's a reason to be patient and respect your son's choices. You aren't actually obligated to sit around while she talks, anyway, *you* can practice taking the conversational lead back without being oppressively disrespectful. Queue up some of your own long boring stories and see what happens.
2. The problem here isn't your DIL being rude, it's your son not having the spine to be the one to kick his dad out, and that's your fault. You need to have a long talk with your son where you say you don't mean to monopolize his time or make him late and reassure him that he can always ask you to leave if he's too busy to chat and you won't hold grudges - and then live up to it.
3. Is it just me or do grandparents who talk about mostly wanting to see their kids' families so they can get grandkid access also increasingly give other people the heebie-jeebies?
If your son is using his wife's family as an excuse to never visit you at traditional family holidays, there's compromises you can work out (like visiting you in mid-December for a combined holiday, or a big summer trip to make up for it.) There's only the three of you, so it should be easy to make new family holiday traditions that won't conflict with anyone's inlaws. But honestly this whole letter gives off a very strong vibe of good for him.
4. This is actually really good advice!! Fix your gaslighting problem, then worry about the inlaws (if you still have any.)