minoanmiss: Minoan lady watching the Thera eruption (Lady and Eruption)
minoanmiss ([personal profile] minoanmiss) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2017-05-09 07:41 pm

That Bad Advice: I don't want my wife to abort

This is the one which sent me on today's Advice Column Adventure. Another doozy. Abortion in this country, good grief.

That Bad Advice & Dear Prudence.

“My new bride discovered that she’s pregnant. She says that we’re not ready for a baby and has scheduled an abortion. I want to have the baby, but I know that it is ultimately her choice, at least under current law. I haven’t been able to change her mind, but I suspect that someone else could. However, she has forbidden me to tell anyone about her pregnancy. On the day of the appointment, I’m thinking of driving her to a pro-life pregnancy center instead of the abortion clinic. She might not realize it until we’re inside, and then maybe the staff could change her mind. Would that be OK to do? I know you are pro-choice, but I’m only trying to make my wife think this through.”

— From “Don’t Want Wife To Abort” via “Dear Prudence,” Slate, 1 May 2017

Dear Don’t Want My Wife To Abort,

Your wife’s reluctance to tumble headlong into undesired and unplanned parenthood before she’s ready at the insistence of a husband willing to lie directly to her face about her health care shows her to be an exceedingly short-sighted woman. She needs to think very carefully about refusing to spend a lifetime in a parenting entanglement with you, a thoughtful and reasonable man who, but for the dumb bad law that says pregnant people cannot be compelled by the government or anyone else to bear children against their will, would force a woman who doesn’t want to be pregnant to bear your child against her will.

But women who will not enter willingly into pregnancy must be coerced into it, because motherhood is a wonderful, magical gift that they better fucking enjoy whether they like it or not. Every child deserves a mom who welcomes parenting with glee, but in your case, a mom who was cajoled into risking her life to do a thing she super does not want to do will suffice, since children are a beautiful blessing to which some people have to be deceived into grudgingly acquiescing at great personal risk.

The fact that your wife isn’t currently anxious to become the vessel that instantly fills your empty dad hole is but a minor wrinkle in the fabric of your relationship, one that can be breezily ignored in favor of building a family on a mountain of lies. Probably your wife won’t notice when you attempt to deliver her to a building other than the one at which she has scheduled her own abortion appointment and at which she will be expressly unable to obtain the service she needs. Women are pretty stupid and fickle, so she’ll probably welcome the opportunity to have her most personal life choices questioned by a load of strangers before she cheerily changes her mind about fulfilling your fatherhood fantasies. Engaging religious zealots in pressuring your wife to sacrifice a lifetime of bodily autonomy for your immediate gratification will give her all the motivation she needs to make her decision.
neotoma: Elrond (cool blue ocean) (Elrond (cool blue ocean))

[personal profile] neotoma 2017-05-10 12:27 am (UTC)(link)
I kind of hope that he actually tries something that boneheaded, just so his wife doesn't waste more of her life married to him.

She'll know she needs to divorce him now, rather than finding it out two years from now.
jadelennox: @FEMINISTHULK SMASH (feminist: hulk smash)

[personal profile] jadelennox 2017-05-10 03:05 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I want his wife to know he was thinking this. And thinking, damn, I don't have the legal right to stop her, so I must trick her. There's a whiff of abusive potential in the mere fact that he wrote the letter.
cereta: Val Stone from Stone Soup saying "Please" (Val Stone)

[personal profile] cereta 2017-05-10 12:34 am (UTC)(link)
Focusing just on the question: No. Just NO. Your addition of, "at least under current law" sets of my patriarchy klaxons ("well, the law says she can, so I guess I can't, like, force her stay pregnant. But those sure were the days, huh?"* Okay, possibly I am reading a lot into one little phrase, but given that he seems to think it's perfectly okay to make her miss her appointment, deceive her, take her somewhere she doesn't want to be, all under the assumption that if she just understood, she would do what he wants.


*Yes, I know that they were the days of wives privately taking steps, and in some cases being seriously injured or even killed by them. But I'm not sure LW knows that, not on the level of, "I am aware of this reality and have incorporated it into my approach to this topic."
torachan: (Default)

[personal profile] torachan 2017-05-10 04:11 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, like, the letter got worse as it went on, but "at least under current law" was a huge red flag right off the bat. D:
vass: A sepia-toned line-drawing of a man in naval uniform dancing a hornpipe, his crotch prominent (Default)

[personal profile] vass 2017-05-10 07:24 am (UTC)(link)
"at least under current law" made me think he's hoping that the current administration will change that. :(
moem: A computer drawing that looks like me. (Default)

[personal profile] moem 2017-05-10 10:52 am (UTC)(link)