What did I just read.

[conuly]

Dear Captain Awkward,

I find myself in a rather delicate predicament involving my neighbors—the couple who live a few houses down—and I need your guidance. As someone with an insatiable curiosity and a knack for picking up on the smallest details, I’ve noticed some rather intriguing developments in their lives that I feel compelled to address.

The wife, a dynamic and ever-energetic woman, is always the life of the neighborhood. She’s constantly orchestrating events, from extravagant dinner parties to spontaneous weekend getaways. Her enthusiasm is undeniably infectious, but it seems to be having an unexpected impact on her husband. I’ve observed him looking increasingly disheveled and somewhat out of place at these events, particularly in the designer outfits she insists he wear. The poor man seems so uncomfortable, often shifting awkwardly or fidgeting with his collar.

Here’s where it gets a bit more personal: I’ve seen him at the local coffee shop, visibly stressed, and on one occasion, he even mentioned to a mutual acquaintance how he feels overwhelmed by the pressure to conform to her lavish lifestyle. I couldn’t help but overhear this conversation while I was waiting in line, and it broke my heart to see him so distressed. It’s clear he longs for a simpler life, yet he’s caught in a whirlwind of her high expectations.

In addition, I’ve noticed subtle hints of tension at their home, like the way he hesitates before answering her calls or the strained smiles they exchange when they think no one is watching. I feel it’s my duty to step in and offer my perspective. My communication skills are top-notch, and I’ve got a real talent for resolving conflicts and suggesting improvements. It seems only right that I share my thoughts on how they might find a better balance between her vibrant, high-energy world and his more relaxed, introspective nature.

I’ve been considering a friendly visit to share my observations, perhaps over a cup of tea. I could gently suggest that she might consider his comfort more, and offer some advice on how they could adjust their lifestyle to better accommodate his needs. I genuinely believe this would help them strengthen their relationship and bring them closer together. Of course, I’d approach it in the most tactful and considerate way possible—after all, my intention is to be helpful, not intrusive.

Am I crossing a line by contemplating this? I genuinely want what’s best for them and think my unique perspective could offer valuable insight. Should I go ahead with my plan, or is it best to stay out of their personal matters? I’m torn between my desire to help and my awareness of potential boundaries.

Thank you for sending in the Rear Window remake starring Rachel Lynde I didn’t know I needed.

While I am also a passionate observer of the human condition, and frankly fascinated to know what your advice to these people would even be and how you envision the scene where you deliver it unfolding –does your version end with the couple forming a trauma bond about how weird & terrifying it is to realize that their neighbor has been watching them all this time that does ironically bring them closer together than ever?– this is where I tell you to stop. Please, do not ring these people’s doorbell and offer them unsolicited marital advice based on months of careful observation and coffee-shop eavesdropping. Do not do it over tea, do not do it by the sea, do not do it over Zoom, do not do it in a room. Even if you are right about what you observe (big if), even if your intentions are of the purest, most helpful grade, trust that people mostly do not want you to be smart at them or right about them from afar or show up on their doorstep like an avenging management consultant to troubleshoot stuff that’s none of your beeswax.

If this couple wants a marriage counselor, they can hire one, preferably someone who is bound by a set of professional ethics and who doesn’t live on the block. They are also free to reach out to their local clergy, family members, bartenders, hairdressers, individual therapists, a myriad of hotlines, advice subreddits, and online fora, and their actual close friends for support at any time. Consider that they might already be doing any or all of these things without informing you. Please also consider that what you are oh-so-carefully observing might be a minor mismatch in extrovert-introvert tendencies that they’ve just chosen to roll with because they like everything else about being married to each other.

By contrast, if the husband wanted your advice, you would know without a doubt because he would have asked you. You’d be among the buddies he vents to at coffee shops and not the virtual stranger craning their neck from the barista line and furiously jotting another entry in the Notes app. If you knew him well at all (I mean, to talk to, not just to peer at while he fumbles worryingly with his fancy necktie at parties across the way) then you would have gone up to him that day and said something. Anything. “Hello!” “How are you?” “Yes, it’s me, your neighbor!” “I couldn’t help overhearing just now, and feel free to tell me off if it’s none of my business, but is everything okay?” “Are you looking for advice or are you just venting?”

To be absolutely clear, I am not advising you to strike up a friendship as a means to the end of helping these people figure out their marriage. You are already way too invested in people who are not reciprocally invested in you for that to ever be a good idea. My advice is to stop watching them, stop eavesdropping on them, stop speculating about their marriage, and do literally nothing to insert yourself further into their lives. Say a pleasant hello when you run into them in the neighborhood, and then disengage. If you’re hungry for connection and the opportunity to be useful, maybe find someplace to volunteer in your community and channel your helpful impulses into help that people asked for. Then perhaps this story can remain a comedy and not the opening act of a thriller.

Link

Comments

[conuly]

I, for one, think LW should completely disregard this advice and just, you know, go for it. What's the worst that could happen?

(But they'd darn well better keep us posted! I need something to distract me from the upcoming Presidential Election.)

[dine]

WUT?

I'm now having visions of LW crouching in the bushes and peering around corners to 'observe' the neighbors. how the hell does one become so invested in strangers' lives (not on TV) and delusional enough to think they can magically fix whatever problems they may (or may not) be having?

[dissectionist]

I am invested in the lives of one of my neighbors because they’ve made themselves the very, very public neighborhood sideshow, but I’m invested like one becomes invested in a possible performance art piece: wondering if this is actually for real or maybe they have a kink for humiliating themselves in public, and with zero desire to get involved myself or be any closer to their outbursts. So when we hear yet another fight and drift to the windows to see what’s got two middle-aged people so riled this time, I certainly understand the morbid curiosity that can arise for the lives of neighbors.

But intervening? Stepping in? Trying to fix their problems? Oh hell no. All we want is for them to move away and never wake us up with screaming at 2 AM again.

[full_metal_ox]

I have some upstairs neighbors whose household soundscape has me periodically wondering: is this fun for everyone involved, or does someone need help?

[full_metal_ox]

My communication skills are top-notch, and I’ve got a real talent for resolving conflicts and suggesting improvements. It seems only right that I share my thoughts on how they might find a better balance between her vibrant, high-energy world and his more relaxed, introspective nature.

Am I the only one wondering if the people LW deals with agree with that self-assessment? Particularly if LW has a history of running around playing Vigilante Counselor?

[oursin]

I’ve got a real talent for resolving conflicts and suggesting improvements.

'She's the kind of woman who lives for others: you can tell the others by their hunted expressions.'

[lokifan]

Ahaha, EXACTLY.

[med_cat]

LOL

[firecat]

Ew, but the Dr Seuss reference was worth the price of admission.

[mrissa]

For me it was the LM Montgomery reference. Something for everyone!

[full_metal_ox]

Just ask LW’s friend Mrs. Harris (who supports her in e-mail!)

[mrissa]

I said this on Bluesky about this post, and I still believe it: 99% of times people think "potential boundaries," they should think "actual boundaries."

[purlewe]

On BlueSky someone posted they thought it sounded like Jennifer and I have head cannoned this

[redbird]

I like the Captain's label on the cut tag: "Unreliable narrators are my kryptonite, and I'm only human."

Jennifer was kind in not saying something like "what do you mean, 'unique perspective'?"

This isn't the first Captain Awkward letter that had me wondering whether the letter writer had read the CA site, versus just sending the letter to lots of advice columns. She has occasionally posted letters to which her answers included things like "I don't know why you're writing to me, have you read this site?" and "since you wrote to me, specifically, you must have had an inkling that you were wrong here."

[adrian_turtle]

It made ME wonder if it was...not exactly a troll, but a particular kind of satire in which one reverses the perspective. A letter written by the neighbor who throws the parties. Or perhaps even somebody across the street. Somebody who wonders wistfully what might have happened if the person with a "knack for picking up on the smallest details" had sought advice.

[cimorene]

I thought of something like that as well. It doesn't sound like a troll, but it does seem... a little artificial, somehow?

[carbonel]

I just read this on CA and was wondering if it was too long to repost here. (I'm still fairly new to this group and not entirely sure of the rules.) I did such a side-eye (at the LW, not CA!) when I first read it.

[ysobel]

Not an admin, but -- long is fine as long as you cut-tag it :)

[green_grrl]

The Main Character Syndrome is overwhelming in this one. Also, the twee writing style.

CA charmingly posited the couple uniting against the nosy neighbor. But what if neighbor wife is abusive to husband? (He hesitates before answering her calls?) It always goes over so well when someone points out in front of an abuser that the victim looks obviously traumatized… As CA said, that is for husband’s ACTUAL friends to advise him on.

[azurelunatic]

Flinching at texts from her was one tell in a situation I encountered. (They have been safe for some years now, and it took about a year between someone asking and when their housing stabilized.)

[pauraque]

While this is funny, it's also kind of terrifying as a glimpse into the mind of someone whose perception of their (actual and potential) interactions with other people is 100% based on fantasy.

[beable]

“Thank you for sending in the Rear Window remake starring Rachel Lynde I didn’t know I needed.”

I just rewatched Rear Window this week and Im dying of laughter at this mashup reference.

[movingfinger]

I need to check AO3 for this because a Rear Window mashup with Rachel Lynde = highly refined catnip.

[ethelmay]

I am now picturing Jimmy Stewart knitting cotton-warp quilts.

[jadelennox]

oh man.

[castiron]

I read this on CA yesterday and was saying "WTF?" to my monitor halfway through LW's letter.