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Dear Prudence,
Back in January, my husband and I purchased a lovely two-story home in a quiet neighborhood. It has a large balcony above the backyard that is perfect for entertaining, which we do often. It also affords an expansive view of our next-door neighbor’s yard as well. Initially, this was not a problem. But when the weather grew warmer, things changed.
Our neighbor has a pool and he often sunbathes and lounges by his pool naked. Anyone who is on the balcony has a clear view of him wherever he happens to be. I have told our neighbor what we are able to see, and asked him to either cover up or postpone his tanning sessions for when we aren’t using our balcony, especially when our two kids (son, 7, and daughter, 10) are there. He responded that it’s his yard and he can do whatever he pleases in it, and if we have a problem with that, we should wait until he goes back inside before using our balcony. We feel this is an imposition on us and that we shouldn’t have to schedule our lives and those of our kids around his stubbornness. We are considering seeing an attorney about this if we can’t resolve the issue amicably. Do we have any recourse here?
—Involuntary Jaybird Watcher
Dear Involuntary Jaybird Watcher,
It’s certainly unusual and a bit weird that your neighbor doesn’t care at all about his privacy. Whether he’s actually free to do what he wants by his pool legally depends on the state you live in—some crack down on nudity when easily seen from a neighbor’s home, while others say it’s your yard, your rules. You could see an attorney about it, sure. But it’s worth asking yourself whether that’s worth it, and what exactly you fear will happen if your kids catch a glance of this guy unclothed, from a distance, while safely supervised by parents on their own patio.
They must know what male genitals are at this point. And it’s not as if he’s filming pornography by the pool or making obscene gestures. He has one penis, which is just sitting there while he reads his Kindle. That seems like something that, while certainly surprising and even jarring to see initially, would get old pretty fast. When you’re entertaining on the patio, my assumption is that your children will be eating, running around, fighting with each other, and begging for dessert and screen time—all things that are certainly more interesting to them than your neighbor’s body. That said, I get it—we do not normally see strangers naked and your discomfort is understandable. How about you make a trip to your local home improvement store and ask about things like screens, curtains, lattice fences, and plant barriers? Then hang in there until the end of swim season.
Link
Back in January, my husband and I purchased a lovely two-story home in a quiet neighborhood. It has a large balcony above the backyard that is perfect for entertaining, which we do often. It also affords an expansive view of our next-door neighbor’s yard as well. Initially, this was not a problem. But when the weather grew warmer, things changed.
Our neighbor has a pool and he often sunbathes and lounges by his pool naked. Anyone who is on the balcony has a clear view of him wherever he happens to be. I have told our neighbor what we are able to see, and asked him to either cover up or postpone his tanning sessions for when we aren’t using our balcony, especially when our two kids (son, 7, and daughter, 10) are there. He responded that it’s his yard and he can do whatever he pleases in it, and if we have a problem with that, we should wait until he goes back inside before using our balcony. We feel this is an imposition on us and that we shouldn’t have to schedule our lives and those of our kids around his stubbornness. We are considering seeing an attorney about this if we can’t resolve the issue amicably. Do we have any recourse here?
—Involuntary Jaybird Watcher
Dear Involuntary Jaybird Watcher,
It’s certainly unusual and a bit weird that your neighbor doesn’t care at all about his privacy. Whether he’s actually free to do what he wants by his pool legally depends on the state you live in—some crack down on nudity when easily seen from a neighbor’s home, while others say it’s your yard, your rules. You could see an attorney about it, sure. But it’s worth asking yourself whether that’s worth it, and what exactly you fear will happen if your kids catch a glance of this guy unclothed, from a distance, while safely supervised by parents on their own patio.
They must know what male genitals are at this point. And it’s not as if he’s filming pornography by the pool or making obscene gestures. He has one penis, which is just sitting there while he reads his Kindle. That seems like something that, while certainly surprising and even jarring to see initially, would get old pretty fast. When you’re entertaining on the patio, my assumption is that your children will be eating, running around, fighting with each other, and begging for dessert and screen time—all things that are certainly more interesting to them than your neighbor’s body. That said, I get it—we do not normally see strangers naked and your discomfort is understandable. How about you make a trip to your local home improvement store and ask about things like screens, curtains, lattice fences, and plant barriers? Then hang in there until the end of swim season.
Link
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That is literally how that dude feels, LW - and this can all be resolved much more cheaply and amicably with a simple trellis and some fake flowers than with the long arm of the law.
Why do people make up problems for themselves?
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Get some screens and grow up.
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There's a guy who lives opposite us who (I assume) thinks his bathroom window glass is much more opaque than it actually is, and we have a ringside seat to his morning shower from our living room. I mean, he's in his own bathroom so it's not quite the same thing as nudey sunbathing, but it's on the same spectrum. That's life, man. When you live near other people, sometimes privacy has to be maintained through a certain amount of mutual pretence. That's not a bad lesson for your kids to learn.
And I think minoanmiss's point is a good one. A lot of people seem to feel that nudity is always sexual, and therefore if you happen to see someone naked you're somehow being involved in a sexual act against your will. And...you aren't. That's just factually not the case and you need to adjust your thinking on the subject. That's also not a bad lesson for your kids to learn.
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