cereta: Laura Cereta (cereta)
Lucy ([personal profile] cereta) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2017-04-08 01:08 pm
Entry tags:

Dear Abby: Jealous Husband

Note:Making a judgment call on the second trigger warning there.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 11 years, but together for 15. We've had our ups and downs as normal couples do, but lately it seems like everything she does, I try and find something to nitpick and argue over. In fact, I kind of enjoy it.

There was a recent misunderstanding that led to an awakening of a jealous side to me that I never had, and now I can't seem to turn it off. When she goes to her chiropractor appointment, I call to make sure she has the appointment for the time she told me. She spent time visiting her dad and aunt, and even that made me jealous. I feel like if I keep this up, I may lose her.

We had a baby five months ago, and he's very needy, much more than our older child was, so that's also putting a strain on our relationship. What can I do to be a better husband and not get angry at her for the dumbest and smallest things? -- FRUSTRATED HUSBAND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You say this new behavior started because of a "recent misunderstanding." I wish you had mentioned what it was, because it would have been helpful to know. Did the misunderstanding make you feel insecure, or just angry and punitive? Or is the fact that your wife needs to share her time caring for the new baby what's bothering you?

If you haven't already talked this through with your wife, you should. The arrival of a new baby can result in not only the arrival of a bundle of joy, but also bring with it postpartum depression, fatigue, physical aches and pains and lack of physical desire.

If these are what's setting you off, you should both discuss what's happening with her doctor. If that's not the cause, some sessions with a licensed psychotherapist may help you find the answer you're looking for.
rosefox: Green books on library shelves. (Default)

[personal profile] rosefox 2017-04-09 01:44 am (UTC)(link)
I'd love to see some acknowledgment, ever, that non-birth parents can also get postpartum depression.
shirou: (cloud)

[personal profile] shirou 2017-04-09 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
In Abby's defense, she was responding to the only hint the LW gave about what could have caused his change in behavior. I don't think she was implying the wife must be doing something to cause the LW's behavior because she raises depression and other post-birth difficulties as only one possibility and advises counseling if the answer doesn't lie there.