YTA

[conuly]

I am 51 years old. A few months ago, I was able to attend a training in Alabama. During my time there, I met a beautiful bartender. We spent the week chatting with each other. Every night I asked her to go out with me and she would say that she couldn’t because she had plans.

At the end of the week I had to say goodbye because I had to go back home, many hours away. But then I went to another training a few weeks ago, and I was able to see her again.

We continued talking, but this time I was not able to stay after because of a new boss who would check the cameras to make sure everyone was out of the bar (at least that’s what she said).

I want to take a risk and ask her to go on a big, romantic trip, but I don’t know for sure if she will like that or think I am creepy.

Let me know what you think.

– Plans

You asked her out multiple times and she declined your offer every time.

Do not ask her to go on a trip with you. That’s one more question she’ll have to navigate – while at work!

It’s possible she’s been nice to you because you met her at the bar where she’s paid to be hospitable. It’s also possible she thinks you’re an OK guy – but that’s where it ends.

She’s been clear that she doesn’t want more from you. She also told you there are cameras monitoring your behavior.

This woman made you feel happy, interested, hopeful – and maybe less lonely. There are single people at home who can do that, too. Try to meet them on apps or by joining clubs.

Don’t pursue someone who’s at work, especially if they’re in the process of serving a customer (you).

You want to meet someone who could walk away at any moment but chooses not to.

Save the big, romantic trip for someone who has a record of saying yes.

– Meredith

Comments

[conuly]

Taking a fucking hint already, LW.

[full_metal_ox]

Let me know what you think.

I think you just might be the reason those cameras were installed, or more scrupulously monitored.

[raisedbymoogles]

file under 'letters that make me want to climb the nearest curtain like a freaked-out cat'.

[jadelennox]

omg same.

[mrissa]

I suppose it's possible that this was a super-extroverted person who had plans every night, but I strongly suspect that most nights her plan was "BE SOMEWHERE THIS GUY ISN'T," and furthermore I endorse this plan.

[redbird]

Quite. A super-extroverted person who wanted to spend time with him could have said so. LW seems to think that he's unusual in wanting to spend time with her when she's not at work.

[oursin]

We note that LW gives his age (51) but not hers.
'But o that I were young again and held her in my arms' is about yearning, not desire gratified. Go dare to eat a peach, somewhere else, a long way away.

[mrissa]

They're even in season!

[minoanmiss]

*triple facepalms*

LW, your age doesn't matter. This wouldn't be acceptable if you were 15, though it might be slightly more understandable.

[pauraque]

I notice that the only quality about the bartender he mentions is that she is "beautiful". Nothing about the content of their conversations or what else is interesting about her besides her looks. Can't imagine why she's always busy.

[dissectionist]

Having been a bartender: it’s literally part of our job to be sociable. Don’t mistake us doing our literal job for romantic attention. If a bartender is genuinely interested in you, they’ll make the first move.

[castiron]

Yep. The baristas at the theater I go to are friendly and know me as a customer, and I have nice chats with them while I'm waiting for my order. While I enjoy the few minutes of attention from an attractive younger person, it's professional attention, not personal, and I don't mistake the one for the other.