cereta: Laura Cereta (cereta)
Lucy ([personal profile] cereta) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2017-04-04 03:54 pm
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Dear Abby: Ex-huband's long-lost son

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband recently died, and I have just learned he had an illegitimate son 25 years ago. The son tracked me down wanting to know things about his biological father. My late husband and I had two children before this one was born. So, do I tell my children they have a half-brother and his aunts they have another nephew? -- TRACKED DOWN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TRACKED DOWN: I see no reason to make any announcements right now. Keep the news to yourself until you are sure that the man wants more contact with his relatives and isn't just looking for medical information that could affect him. You also should make absolutely certain that he truly is your late husband's son by discussing it with an attorney before sharing any news or details.
fox: my left eye.  "ceci n'est pas une fox." (Default)

[personal profile] fox 2017-04-04 08:23 pm (UTC)(link)
(I think they're the late ex's sisters, not that it matters to the actual question.)

I'm with you on it not being the LW's decision, but I do think it is the long-lost son's decision in a lot of ways. Is "Your biological father and I have two children; what would you like me to tell them about you?" an okay question? (Mind you if he says "Meep, no, nothing," I don't know if that's fair to them. Maybe "I'll tell your half-siblings I heard from you, of course, but would you like me to give them your contact information?" is a better way to go?)
tielan: Wonder Woman (Fringe - h/c)

[personal profile] tielan 2017-04-04 11:04 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm just really, really bothered by the idea that she should keep this from them until she's investigated or somesuch.

Yeah, this. But family is important to me - I have two full sisters, one half-brother, two stepbros on my mum's side, and one stepbro on my dad's side, and I would do quite a lot for them in the name of 'family'.

I feel like the (adult) children should be told, but I don't know enough of the family background to say if that's a wise decision. And also, whether the 'new' son wants to make contact with his family or only wants medical details. But the other side is that sooner or later, the adult kids will probably find out because their mom will probably slip up...so...