Look, in-laws, I don't care if you think you're being helpful, you've stepped into a huge cultural slime pit of Dad Is Awesome/Mom Needs Help. You may not realize that's where you are, or just how deep and slimy the pit is, but once LW (or anyone else, for that matter) tells you where you are, it's on you to climb back out. LW already has put a whole lot of emotional work into just HAVING the child, she doesn't need the extra emotional work of having to deflect your criticisms. So stop. Tell her that she's being wonderful, because you know who's listening? YOUR GRANDKID, and she needs to have a chance to grow up without this cultural baggage, ok?
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Look, in-laws, I don't care if you think you're being helpful, you've stepped into a huge cultural slime pit of Dad Is Awesome/Mom Needs Help. You may not realize that's where you are, or just how deep and slimy the pit is, but once LW (or anyone else, for that matter) tells you where you are, it's on you to climb back out. LW already has put a whole lot of emotional work into just HAVING the child, she doesn't need the extra emotional work of having to deflect your criticisms. So stop. Tell her that she's being wonderful, because you know who's listening? YOUR GRANDKID, and she needs to have a chance to grow up without this cultural baggage, ok?