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Sense and Sensitivity: My Cousin Wants Me to Help Her Cheat On a Paper
DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin and I have been close for all my life. We are about the same age, and we go to the same college. We applied to all the same schools and even have the same major. It has been fun having her to share the college experience with.
This morning, I received a text message from my cousin asking me to write a research paper for her. She offered me compensation for this. I was stunned. I have never even thought about having someone else do my work. I warned her about plagiarism and that her academic integrity is being placed on the line. How can I get the point across that she should never try to get out of doing her own work? -- Not Your Words, Syracuse, New York
DEAR NOT YOUR WORDS: It is doubtful that you can change your cousin’s mind about her unethical behavior. What you can do is put your foot down and let her know where you stand. Have a sincere conversation with her. Talk about your life together and all the things that you have enjoyed together over the years. Remind her of how excited you both were when you got into the same college. Impress upon her how special you believe it is that the two of you are on this journey together. Then, tell her that you do not think it is honest or wise to blur the lines the way she has suggested. Tell her that you absolutely will not write a paper for her, and that you do not think this is a path she should travel. Urge her to dig in and do the work herself.
This morning, I received a text message from my cousin asking me to write a research paper for her. She offered me compensation for this. I was stunned. I have never even thought about having someone else do my work. I warned her about plagiarism and that her academic integrity is being placed on the line. How can I get the point across that she should never try to get out of doing her own work? -- Not Your Words, Syracuse, New York
DEAR NOT YOUR WORDS: It is doubtful that you can change your cousin’s mind about her unethical behavior. What you can do is put your foot down and let her know where you stand. Have a sincere conversation with her. Talk about your life together and all the things that you have enjoyed together over the years. Remind her of how excited you both were when you got into the same college. Impress upon her how special you believe it is that the two of you are on this journey together. Then, tell her that you do not think it is honest or wise to blur the lines the way she has suggested. Tell her that you absolutely will not write a paper for her, and that you do not think this is a path she should travel. Urge her to dig in and do the work herself.
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It doesn't answer LW's question, though. They didn't ask "what's the simplest way out?", they asked "how do I get the point across that she should never try to get out of doing her own work?"
Side note: I have some issues with LW's framing of the problem: the problem with academic misconduct is not that the plagiarist is getting out of doing her own work, it's that she's getting credit for work someone else has done and is muddying the record of where ideas come from, and a fundamental principle of academia is that it matters who said what and when and why. [this rant directed at LW in absentia, not at
I don't like Harriette's response, I think it'd be received as preachy at best. Most people in their early twenties are not going to respond well to having someone "impress upon her how special you believe it is that the two of you are on this journey together."
LW says they've already warned their cousin about plagiarism and "that her academic integrity is being placed on the line." So my impression is that they want do say something more, but aren't sure what, or how to go about it.
They didn't say if they want to maintain the relationship or make it more distant or what. If they want to be less close with Cousin then I'd stick with the boundary-affirming "I won't help you with this and you shouldn't either, it's wrong and there are serious consequences" that they've already given, and leave it at that. But if they do want to maintain the closeness they had but are not sure how to get past being asked to help her cheat, and they're up for some emotional labour, it might be time for a call-in.
Something like "Cousin, what's wrong? Are you having problems with work/relationship/other-known-stressor? Is there a problem with this subject/this professor? You don't have to do this. I'll find you a tutor/meet you for study sessions and keep you company while you write the essay yourself/read your draft and give you feedback/go with you to office hours for moral support/take you to student health/help you apply for special consid/whatever. Or if you have to withdraw this term, it'll be all right, you can try again next year."
But only if they can follow through with the support they're offering, and only if the concern is sincere. And if Cousin does not avail herself of this offer, I'd leave it at that, and not twist the knife any further.
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