Sense and Sensitivity: My Neighbor is Picky About His Sprinkler System

[cereta]

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor has been having sprinkler consultations for the past few weeks because he doesn't want even a drop of his water to land on my lawn. I have my own system that works just fine and has been great for years. It's not fancy, but it keeps my lawn healthy.

I honestly think that this guy is crazy, but my wife is encouraging me to have a conversation to see why he is truly doing this. I don't think this is some sort of hidden issue with boundaries -- some neighbors are simply unbearable. Do I give in to the urging of my wife or take this man for who he is? -- Grass Is Greener, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR GRASS IS GREENER: Start by taking a deep breath. Stop assuming what your neighbor's motive is, especially since you tend to assume the negative. You cannot know what your neighbor's intention is without asking. But please do not ask with anger or hostility in your tone. Before asking, consider the range of reasons he may be doing this. One could be that he should not be watering your lawn without your permission. In truth, he really should be able to control where his sprinklers direct their spray.

Go with curiosity. Ask your neighbor why he has been interviewing so many sprinkler businesses. What is he looking for? Be curious about his research. If you firmly believe he is trying to keep water off your lawn, ask him if that is the case. Let him know that it would not offend you if some of his water touched your grass even as you point out what system you already have in place.

Know that he may not tell you what he has in mind for his lawn, and that's his prerogative. Ultimately, you may have to ignore his research efforts. As long as he does nothing to harm your lawn or your property, you may have to shrug this off as him just being an obsessive neighbor.

Comments

[cereta]

In the continuing vein of "MYOB" and "this is a problem...how?"

Seriously, unless these consultants are trampling your lawn or blocking your driveway, this is not a neighbor problem. I know from neighbor problems, and this is not a neighbor problem.

[the_rck]

I can't think why on earth asking questions would be a good idea, and my impression is that the letter writer really doesn't want to ask questions and is looking for an outside authority to justify their decision to their wife.

[redbird]

LW and Harriette have both missed the obvious: the LW's wife can talk to the neighbor herself, since she's the one who thinks it's a good idea. (She's also the one who doesn't think the neighbor is crazy, so I suspect she'd get better results from asking him about the sprinkler thing than the LW would.)

[jadelennox]

I mean, the guy might be awesome -- he might be planning on putting pesticides or something into his spring system and doesn't want them to get onto LW's lawn. Or maybe in his last home, his next-door neighbors were assholes who complained about crossing the boundaries.

[madripoor_rose]

my immediate reaction is that 'my own system that works just fine' involves the neighbor's sprinklers hitting half his yard and the letter writer's upset that the free ride's gonna be over.

[jadelennox]

I just have to give a plus one for how good the answer is. I still have guilty feelings about how when our (absolutely splendid) neighbors were new, I assumed something toxic about something that had happened, and approached them with that in mind. They are great people and have not held it against me, but I still feel guilty about what was totally a misapprehension on my part.