"I have loved our life and thought we were both fulfilled and happy."
Translation: I don't actually TALK to her about whether we're both fulfilled and happy; as long as I'm getting what I want, I assume she's fine. If she's "distant" I assume it's nothing to do with me AND that she's still happy and fine.
Last night she dropped a bombshell. She asked me how I would feel about “opening up our marriage.” I’ve heard about open marriages, of course, but what does this even mean?
Maybe it means... that she wants to know your thoughts and feelings re: open marriages, and whether or not you can ever see yourself being in one? Like she explicitly asked?
How am I supposed to respond?
Maybe by... telling her your thoughts and feelings, and not jumping to conclusions about why she's asking? Maybe ask her some questions about her own thoughts and feelings, without jumping to condemn her for them? Maybe treat a conversation as only that, and not The End Of Everything?
Maybe if you show her she can talk to you about what she's thinking about without you throwing a guilt-tripping fit about imagined cheating, you won't find that she's "distant" until she drops a "bombshell" in the future - you'll be with her on the ride, and you'll both be sharing your actual feelings instead of *guessing* about being happy and fulfilled.
no subject
Translation: I don't actually TALK to her about whether we're both fulfilled and happy; as long as I'm getting what I want, I assume she's fine. If she's "distant" I assume it's nothing to do with me AND that she's still happy and fine.
Last night she dropped a bombshell. She asked me how I would feel about “opening up our marriage.” I’ve heard about open marriages, of course, but what does this even mean?
Maybe it means... that she wants to know your thoughts and feelings re: open marriages, and whether or not you can ever see yourself being in one? Like she explicitly asked?
How am I supposed to respond?
Maybe by... telling her your thoughts and feelings, and not jumping to conclusions about why she's asking? Maybe ask her some questions about her own thoughts and feelings, without jumping to condemn her for them? Maybe treat a conversation as only that, and not The End Of Everything?
Maybe if you show her she can talk to you about what she's thinking about without you throwing a guilt-tripping fit about imagined cheating, you won't find that she's "distant" until she drops a "bombshell" in the future - you'll be with her on the ride, and you'll both be sharing your actual feelings instead of *guessing* about being happy and fulfilled.