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A letter and a follow-up
Dear Amy: I’ve worked for a small family-owned business (my family doesn’t own it) for almost 10 years. We are busy and productive, serving our clients and customers on the phone and in person (it’s a stone and tile shop). Precision is important in our work because we are taking measurements to have stone cut to exact sizes.
Last week, my boss hired a new worker, “Susan.” She sits in a cubicle beside me. As part of a “getting to know you” chit chat she mentioned that she has three cats. I’m allergic and frankly don’t like cats and so I said, “Oh, I’d never have a cat; I just don’t trust them.” I was joking and it didn’t seem like a big deal at all at the time. She didn’t respond and we both returned to our work.
That night, Susan found me on social media and went through my postings (going back several months) and commented on each photo, “disgusting,” “horrific,” etc. These were mainly photos of family members, including my children. Under a photo of my 89-year-old grandmother, she wrote: “Disgusting. I just don’t trust her.”
I was horrified and took screenshots of everything. I believe I’ve been harassed and – obviously – I don’t believe she has the temperament to work with clients. I want to go to our boss and ask that she be fired, but I’m nervous about doing that.
What do you think?
– Worried Employee
Dear Worried: “Susan” has worked at this business for one week, and she is already harassing a colleague. Definitely turn her in.
Link
Dear Amy: I was disgusted by your response to “Worried Employee.” Worried Employee made a comment to her new co-worker after seeing a photo of the woman’s cats on her desk: “I’d never have a cat. I just don’t trust them.”
After the co-worker retaliated, you stated that she should be fired. How would you feel if I looked at a photo of your kids and said, “I’d never have kids. I just don’t trust them?” If someone makes fun of my fur-babies, I’m going after them with everything I have.
– Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: If you said, “I’d never have kids. I just don’t trust them,” I’d agree with you. “Retaliating” by publicly trashing a co-worker on social media platforms would – and should – get you fired.
Link
Last week, my boss hired a new worker, “Susan.” She sits in a cubicle beside me. As part of a “getting to know you” chit chat she mentioned that she has three cats. I’m allergic and frankly don’t like cats and so I said, “Oh, I’d never have a cat; I just don’t trust them.” I was joking and it didn’t seem like a big deal at all at the time. She didn’t respond and we both returned to our work.
That night, Susan found me on social media and went through my postings (going back several months) and commented on each photo, “disgusting,” “horrific,” etc. These were mainly photos of family members, including my children. Under a photo of my 89-year-old grandmother, she wrote: “Disgusting. I just don’t trust her.”
I was horrified and took screenshots of everything. I believe I’ve been harassed and – obviously – I don’t believe she has the temperament to work with clients. I want to go to our boss and ask that she be fired, but I’m nervous about doing that.
What do you think?
– Worried Employee
Dear Worried: “Susan” has worked at this business for one week, and she is already harassing a colleague. Definitely turn her in.
Link
Dear Amy: I was disgusted by your response to “Worried Employee.” Worried Employee made a comment to her new co-worker after seeing a photo of the woman’s cats on her desk: “I’d never have a cat. I just don’t trust them.”
After the co-worker retaliated, you stated that she should be fired. How would you feel if I looked at a photo of your kids and said, “I’d never have kids. I just don’t trust them?” If someone makes fun of my fur-babies, I’m going after them with everything I have.
– Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: If you said, “I’d never have kids. I just don’t trust them,” I’d agree with you. “Retaliating” by publicly trashing a co-worker on social media platforms would – and should – get you fired.
Link
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But here's LW2 defending it! FFS. I just can't get over it.
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Bast wept. No she didn’t but she definitely rolled her eyes.
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I also basically thik 'I don't trust cats/kids' is more or less the same joke, like 'those little scamps, wrecking havoc'. But ultimately, to the extent there is a generalizable rule to draw out of this, the lesson is, if you try to joke about disliking something that you genuinely dislike, people will probably pick up on that. However, I think coworker would probably have done something petty and vindictive at some point anyway, given her behavior here.
(also, in terms of how to handle the 'i don't actually care for [animal] conversation, with dogs, I'm scared of them and I usually joke that it's because I respect their power, which tends to go over okay)
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Yeah, that's the basic reaction here from me too. It just isn't a response that you would EVER get from someone who was in a normal amount of touch with reality and emotional regulation and was capable of being a normal coworker with other adults and clients and professional relationships. And that's because it isn't a normal or proportionate response to literally anything! The slenderness of the excuse and the bizarrely disproportionate and immediate response from a complete stranger in whose place most people would be at pains to make a good impression makes it absolutely chilling.
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Running headlong into a cat-lover/cat-hater divide in small talk is unfortunate and awkward; best to change the subject and not discuss it again. (Dogs and small children are similar topics.) Also, mentioning allergies or saying "I'm not really a cat person" would be a more tactful way to shut down the topic than LW1 chose; I'd sideeye them for the "I don't trust them" remark myself. However...
Going through *months* of social media posts to post nasty messages about someone's family members is absolutely fucking deranged. Susan should be fired immediately. (And records of those messages should be kept in case she escalates - that's stalker behavior!)
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LW’s comment was a bit off, but the coworkers behavior was incredibly unprofessional and unacceptable, and also super creepy.
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Also, making mildly disparaging remarks about cats is not the same thing as making the same comment about a human child. It's just not, no matter how much we may love our pets. (And I say this with a cat lying on my chest and me doing my best to work around her.)
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And I say this as a cat lover. I have five cats.
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