conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2024-01-25 07:26 pm

It's a freaking soap opera, so what're the odds this is a fabricated letter?

Dear Amy: I am involved in a very messy situation. I had an affair with a married man 33 years older (I am 25, he is 58).

I didn’t go out looking for it, but one thing led to another. He’d been having marital problems for several years. He described his wife as being a good person but someone who is a spectator in life rather than a participant. They are like housemates who sometimes have sex, but there is zero affection. He told me she had several mental health issues, and she also was an alcoholic.

I felt we were both giving each other what we both were lacking. Love. Connection. Excitement. He said he wanted to marry me. Subsequently, my parents found out. Even though I’m 25, I’m still living at home. My dad lost it and called both him and his wife. He told her everything. She then phoned me. It became very messy. I also found out (from her) that he hadn’t necessarily told the truth about her.

We said we’d take a break because there is just too much drama. I am really heartbroken at how things turned out and over my parents meddling in my life the way they did. I wanted more time with him. I am sorry his wife found out, because I didn’t want her to be hurt. I am not a bad person, I never sought an affair, but I grew to love this man. I’m sorry that finding out about this has caused his wife to be hurt.

I don’t know what to do going forward. I just feel I can’t let him go.

— Sad and Struggling


Dear Sad: I assume the insight that you have “Daddy issues” has already occurred to you; if not — ponder it now. You have two older men controlling, disrespecting and betraying you. You seem to be something of a spectator in your own life, but regarding your choices, here’s a note: People do get hurt, even when you don’t mean to hurt them. (Your affair would have hurt this man’s wife, even if she hadn’t found out about it.)

It is genuinely painful and heartbreaking to end your first serious relationship. I can only imagine how you might be feeling about your father’s choice to out you and interfere the way he has. I think a first step for you should be to move away from your father’s orbit, at least for now. Perhaps you could stay with a supportive friend or family member while you look for other housing. It is important right now to step into your own future one day at a time, in order not to be overwhelmed. Stay away from your affair partner and try to accept this as a painful lesson of adulthood.

Therapy would help you to put these events into perspective.

Link
pauraque: bird flying (Default)

[personal profile] pauraque 2024-01-26 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
Sadly, I believe this is real, and I believe LW got completely played by this guy. I hope they come to recognize this as the valuable learning experience that it was (and work on building a life independent from their parents).
minoanmiss: A little doll dressed as a Minoan girl (Minoan Child)

[personal profile] minoanmiss 2024-01-26 04:45 pm (UTC)(link)

LW should fake her own death, move to another biome, and reinvent herself.

neotoma: Neotoma albigula, the white-throated woodrat! [default icon] (Default)

[personal profile] neotoma 2024-01-26 06:55 pm (UTC)(link)
You know, as an aroace I sometimes encounter advice column letters that make me go "why did you think any of this was a good idea? Are pants-feelings really that overwhelming, and if so, how do any of you navigate life?"

This is one of them. LW made so many obvious bad decisions that I'm just boggled.