Annie's Mailbox: In the "This Has To Be Fake" department...

[cereta]

Dear Annie: Six months ago, I was fired for stealing from my job. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, so I lied -- to my parents, my friends, everybody. I told them I quit so I could go back to school.

Then I lost my house because I didn't have the money to pay the mortgage. My parents told me that I'm almost 40 and need to stand on my own two feet. They wouldn't let me move in with them. My best friend felt sorry for me and said I could camp out in her guest room until I got back on my feet.

In that time, I've fallen in love with her husband. I couldn't help it. "Alex" is amazing -- smart, charming, kind, athletic, attractive, the total package. But it makes me uncomfortable to see him being so affectionate with his wife, always holding her hand and stroking her hair. I can't figure out why their marriage has lasted 10 years. He's outgoing, and she's shy. She's also rather plain. Alex doesn't seem to realize that he could have somebody so much better looking and smarter. He could have me.

I know his wife took me in when nobody else would, but you can't help who God tells you to love. My mother says I need therapy. I don't agree. I simply want to know how to deal with my feelings so I can be around my friend without wanting to smack that sweet smile right off her face. Any advice? -- Crazy in Love

Dear Crazy: You steal from your job, lie to your family and then try to seduce your best friend's husband. Alex is smart enough to know a good woman when he marries one. The longer you stay in that house the harder it will be for you. Get any job, maybe two of them, so you can afford another place to live, even if it means multiple roommates. Then take your mother's advice and get some counseling to understand why you keep trying to take things that don't belong to you.

Comments

[cereta]

This is fake, right? Right? LIE TO ME IF YOU HAVE TO.

[minoanmiss]

I'm looking at this letter like the lady in my icon is looking at the volcano erupting.

I normally don't like viewing cheating as "stealing" but there's a definite kleptomania theme running through this story. It would make a fine novel! BECAUSE IT'S FAKE IT'S TOTALLY FAKE DEAR GOD LET IT BE FAKE.

[cereta]

"He could have me" just puts it over the top, you know? Either that or the bit about God choosing who you love.

[likeaduck]

Why do you want it to be fake?

[cereta]

It's not so much that I want it to be as that I suspect it is (the pleading was meant humorously). God knows recent events have shown that there are people with just this little empathy and a complete lack of self-awareness and a healthy dose of narcissism to boot. I just don't see someone like that writing into an advice columnist. I could easily be wrong, but the wording sets off my bullshit meter.

[vass]

but the wording sets off my bullshit meter.

I agree with this.

Possibly the situation is real but the letter writer is the wife.

[lone_lilly]

Please let the best friend ("his wife") see this and boot the LW out of her house and her life.