agonyaunt | (no subject)

Dear Amy: My husband went to a prestigious Ivy League law school. He has never worn any clothing items or hats featuring his school’s logo.

I noticed last year that college-team coaches were wearing nice-quality, very attractive athletic shirts. I knew my husband, with his trim but muscular build, would look great in one. I found one with a subdued logo for his law school and was excited to give it to him for his birthday. And he looks great in it!

Now that football season has started, I’ve twice suggested he wear it when we go out to casual places – once to a winery and again to an outdoor restaurant with friends. Both times, he made an excuse not to wear it, and so I asked him why. He has always enjoyed wearing sweatshirts and hats from his undergraduate university, but he admitted he didn’t really feel comfortable wearing this shirt because it would make him look like an elitist.

I think he should be proud of attending this law school. It’s all over his bio and CV and in Martindale-Hubbell, so what’s the big deal if he wears a high-quality shirt with a tasteful logo? Do you think people generally see this as an elitist thing to do?

– Ivy Leaguer’s Wife

Dear Ivy Leaguer’s Wife: I’m sure that graduates of prestigious schools see this in a variety of ways. I believe that choosing NOT to trumpet your privilege and prestige in an obvious way (even if the logo is discreet and the prestige is hard-won) is in the spirit of the original intent of some of these institutions: To take your education with you into the world, serving others before you serve yourself. People who have pride don’t need to advertise it, even if the advertisement is discreet, tasteful, and flattering to a trim and muscular Ivy League body.

Your husband has explained his reasoning well and with humility. You might take this as a positive example to extend to your own life. Even though it might make a fun reality show (I would definitely watch), you probably deserve better than to identify mainly as an “Ivy Leaguer’s Wife.”

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Amy's last sentence is the nicer version of what I was thinking, which can be summed up as: FFS lady, what even is your freaking deal? Why are you being so weird about this?

Also, since I feel like being petty, you don't need to tell us that your husband's Ivy League school is prestigious. We know that. This isn't a middle school essay. There's no need to pad.

There really ought to be a line of t-shirts and other merch in appropriate colors that say things like "Do you really care that I went to $college?" "I hope you care that I went to $college" and "Please be impressed that I went to $college." And maybe also a bunch of variations on "no, a different school in the Boston area" and "proud graduate of a school in Cambridge that you never heard of." [There are a lot of private colleges around here, a few of which I'm aware of only because I see their shuttle vans, or used to take a bus that goes past one of their buildings.]

I also raised my eyebrows at "trim but muscular build".

Amy is pretty hit or miss, but she LANDED the shade:

“People who have pride don’t need to advertise it, even if the advertisement is discreet, tasteful, and flattering to a trim and muscular Ivy League body.”

‘Even though it might make a fun reality show (I would definitely watch), you probably deserve better than to identify mainly as an “Ivy Leaguer’s Wife.”’

Amy is so inconsistent that I sometimes think "Ask Amy" is the advice-column version of the Nancy Drew mysteries. (This one absolutely nailed it.)

So I went to an Ivy League school undergrad, and one of the people I met there was named Bradley Leupin (probably misspelling it at this point). He observed to our friend group that when people asked us where we went to school we should just say "fuck you" as we'd offend fewer people in the long run.

I tell you all this to say, as I have at various points during my life, Bradley Leupin was right.

My first thought was just, maybe Husband doesn't like to wear branded clothing in general?

My husband went to a prestigious Ivy League law school. He has never worn any clothing items or hats featuring his school’s logo.

You can just say "Harvard", lady.

(I know it's all the Ivies, somewhat. But also).

No, not Tufts...

Edited 2023-10-01 02:14 (UTC)

I'm just going to laugh in the original Cambridge.

(Oops I am actually wearing uni branded stuff in my userpic - for the sports team I joined in my capacity as staff, rather than alumni. But I would not walk around wearing even a discreetly branded casual wear item from the uni, unless it was part of a team event.)

OK I wear an Ivy League University's hoodie around fairly often and what I can tell you, lady, is that nobody cares. The most I ever get is somebody saying "oh, my X went there!" or "Oh, my Y used to follow their sportsball team when they lived nearby!" at which point I can explain I didn't, but my sister used to teach there and she got it for me.

But, honestly, while it's possible your husband is afraid of being seen as an elitist - he'll have a better idea than you about how that specific college would read in the social/professional circles he moves in - if he's comfortable wearing stuff from his undergrad my guess is actually that he had a miserable time at law school and hated it there and doesn't want to talk about it. (There's a reason I wear stuff from where my sister has been but not my own undergrad, and it's nothing to do with elitism.) (Though it is *extremely* likely that the law school actually *was* full of elitist assholes and that was part of why he was miserable there, especially if his undergrad was less so. Which may also be a reason he doesn't want to be associated with them.)

Edited 2023-10-02 14:34 (UTC)

Like, I see loads of people wearing Harvard gear all the time. I suspect very few of them actually graduated from there. More likely they visited Massachusetts once.

I myself have a sweatshirt from Oxford University. Same deal, I went to the town as a tourist and bought merch.

I think wearing university merch as a subtle brag would not even work on most people. So this woman should let her husband dress as he prefers (which she should be doing anyway, it's his body to decorate).