1. As always, you'll note that the conflict here is between two women, and the man in both their lives is mysteriously missing. LW, while your DIL is flitting about having hobbies and you're wringing your hands, what on earth is your son even doing? Because he's gotta be doing something, and that something sure isn't watching his kids, and yet he's curiously absent from this narrative.
Anyway, if you don't want to babysit, start saying no. Or if you do, keep saying yes. I'm sure your son and his wife won't just ditch the kids at home while they have their fun, not when they aren't even in elementary yet, so what are you so worked up about?
(I'm thinking that if LW got a hobby of her own, she wouldn't have time to babysit or judge her DIL's life choices.)
2. JFC. I don't often say this, but this is not a situation that needs more conversation, it's a situation that needs more consequences. LW, I don't care that your younger daughter is the next Mozart, that's no justification for her being a spoiled brat. Or maybe a spiteful and resentful brat, but wherever this nonsense is coming from you need to lay down the law using whatever currency is going to be effective - no more comments about her sister's boyfriend, no more "barbs", none of it.
Her sister's dating life is not a threat to her music. Also, if she thinks she's going to make music her life she may be overdue for a reality check, and so is everybody else in this family. The music world is oversaturated with highly-talented, driven, trained young people. No matter how gifted you are, there's no guarantees, and no amount of sacrifice or passion or family support is going to make your career happen. Unless "family support" is code for "connections" or "money" in which case it might, but that's a bit more of a reality check than is warranted. This girl needs perspective, she doesn't need her dreams totally crushed.
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Anyway, if you don't want to babysit, start saying no. Or if you do, keep saying yes. I'm sure your son and his wife won't just ditch the kids at home while they have their fun, not when they aren't even in elementary yet, so what are you so worked up about?
(I'm thinking that if LW got a hobby of her own, she wouldn't have time to babysit or judge her DIL's life choices.)
2. JFC. I don't often say this, but this is not a situation that needs more conversation, it's a situation that needs more consequences. LW, I don't care that your younger daughter is the next Mozart, that's no justification for her being a spoiled brat. Or maybe a spiteful and resentful brat, but wherever this nonsense is coming from you need to lay down the law using whatever currency is going to be effective - no more comments about her sister's boyfriend, no more "barbs", none of it.
Her sister's dating life is not a threat to her music. Also, if she thinks she's going to make music her life she may be overdue for a reality check, and so is everybody else in this family. The music world is oversaturated with highly-talented, driven, trained young people. No matter how gifted you are, there's no guarantees, and no amount of sacrifice or passion or family support is going to make your career happen. Unless "family support" is code for "connections" or "money" in which case it might, but that's a bit more of a reality check than is warranted. This girl needs perspective, she doesn't need her dreams totally crushed.