For once, a Dear Amy response that doesn't make me want to smack her!

[ashbet]

Dear Amy: I live in an affluent neighborhood of expensive, although older homes. The vast majority of homes are very well-maintained and manicured. Many have had major remodels to look like brand-new homes. However, there are a couple of homes that are in serious need of a facelift!

One home in particular is a complete eyesore. Although it is worth over a couple million dollars, the lawn is dead, there are high weeds where the lawn should be, paint doesn’t match and/or is faded in places, wood fascia is rotting, along with other significant cosmetic problems. There do not seem to be any code violations that would get the city involved.

I am not aware of the owner’s financial situation, but they have been there long enough where there should be significant equity to refinance and pull out money for repairs — or sell and move to a less expensive home. Other neighbors have left notes, to no avail. Any suggestions on how to get this family to fix up their house, or even move?

— Frustrated Neighbor



Frustrated: It is so generous of you to provide such a detailed list of repairs that need to be made to this property! You’ve obviously inspected the property quite closely. You’ve also extended your generous attitude toward these strangers by offering suggestions for how they might finance improvements to their property to meet your needs, including the idea of them moving.

What you haven't done is offered to mow their lawn. Or offered to get a group of people together to help with some cosmetic repairs to the outside of their home (oh, the horror of faded paint!).

What a neighborhood! People leaving notes and developing repair punch lists and investment advice — and not one person finding out who these neighbors are and asking if they need a hand. I suggest that you approach this by putting human values ahead of property values. Changing your own orientation and approach should improve the neighborhood.

Comments

[ashbet]

I admit, I'm this house in my neighborhood (the grass is mowed, but brown -- needs a multi-thousand-dollar plastic sprinkler pipe replacement.) My roof is visibly deteriorated, there are other cosmetic issues.

Unless the neighbors want to PAY for these repairs, the situation isn't going to change.

You can't assume that someone living in a house can actually afford this stuff . . . we rent from my mother (who is over 80), my daughter and I are disabled.

This letter is elitist, gross, and makes some HUGE assumptions (like, the value of the house has gone up over time, but we've lived here for over a decade.)

The assumption that because you're in a "nice" neighborhood, you must have cash on the barrelhead, is dangerously misguided. People's circumstances change, and a house is often the last thing they can hang onto when their financial situation takes a big hit.

[cimorene]

We bought our house together with my mother in law, the fact that she owned two properties and had a pretty sizable pension was why a loan was given. She died two months into the renovation, just in time for the loan to run out with the work halfway done, so we have to rent out the half she was going to live in to make the mortgage and we couldn't possibly sell it because it's still only partly renovated, and we can't get another loan to finish the renovations because our income is way too low.

[ashbet]

Ugh, I'm so sorry -- both for your loss and your situation :/

(And, yeah, my credit is laughably bad due to medical bills, "refinance or get a loan" probably wouldn't be possible, even if I DID own the house myself.)

[lokifan]

Oh man, what a tough situation :(

[melannen]

And the suggestion that if they are low on money they can "just" refinance is both an incredible lack of empathy *and* an incredible lack of financial knowledge.

(Refinancing is sometimes a good idea, if you can, but 95% of the time it is not.)

[synecdochic]

Especially now, when interest rates are the highest they've been in the 21st century.

[azurelunatic]

I've a friend whose first home equity loan was to pay for the extremely needed new roof, and the second one was to pay off the abusive person who also had an interest in the house. There are at least three significant repairs waiting for funding that have priority over the gnarly siding and trim. The neighborhood has gone up in home value but the income has not kept pace.

[katiedid717]

I can feel you on this one. I bought a condo in 2015; in 2010 a bunch of the unit owners got together to get group pricing for window replacement, but my unit was empty at that time and the owner didn't want to put the money into it. So while all of the units near me have nice air-tight windows, mine are the foggy drafty 1972 originals. They're something I want to replace someday, but things like the washer/dryer and HVAC system were higher priority, along with needing to redo some flooring after a 500-year storm flooded my finished basement.

If at some point in time you win the powerball or inherit massive wads of cash from a long-lost relative and want to bang out a bunch of projects, you may want to look into a clover lawn rather than an irrigation system! They take less water and maintenance and they're drought-resistant, plus they're good for the pollinators - a couple of the properties I managed at my last job were looking into this since weather in the northeastern US has become increasingly erratic in the last few years. (I am apparently incapable of shutting up about clover lawns)

[ashbet]

I'd love a clover lawn, in theory!! We're having record-breaking heat in TX, so I'm not sure if it's appropriate for our climate (also, if it needs weeding/etc., we physically can't do it and I don't know if a yard service would.)

We do have pollinator-garden plantings, but they're in tubs and can be watered with the hose.

I hope that you eventually get a windfall for your windows!

[katiedid717]

Oof, yeah, that heat seems unpleasant at the best of times, definitely can't imagine trying to deal with the temps you've had down there this summer! There's probably some kind of alternative ground-cover that's indigenous to the area, or I've seen photos online of really pretty layouts with stones and succulents, but those would definitely be more costly and need more maintenance, so sounds like they would not be ideal for you at all!

Thanks! Hopefully I'll be able to do it in the next year 🤞

[ethelmay]

There's a 30%-up-to-$600 federal tax credit for new windows, IIRC. A drop in the bucket considering what they cost these days, but something, anyway. And your utility might have further rebates.

Clover can be seeded on top of the lawn that's there, I have read (I have only planted it on places I was clearing out anyway as yet), and will coexist with grass fine. Most lawns used to have a significant quantity of clover until people started using indiscriminate weedkillers that kill all broadleaf plants. But it does need watering as it's getting going. I got some established last fall and it's stayed lush and green with no extra water, though Seattle's had only tiny amounts of rain this summer (it is in the shadier part of the lawn). Planning to plant more once the weather gets a bit cooler.

[katiedid717]

I was looking into one of those programs earlier this summer, but then I found out that there was a very good chance I would be laid off at the end of the summer (and sure enough, now I have been) so I decided it was better to hold off on taking that money out of savings for the time being

[ethelmay]

Oof, sorry to hear that. I hope your job search goes as well as possible.

[kellyblah]

I am in the northeast US, and I plant clover every year, but when the hot July/August weather comes in, it seems to die back. It's frustrating, because I really want this to work. In good news, clover seed is cheap, so I just buy more, and plant every spring.

[ethelmay]

I would try planting a little this fall and seeing if you can get it established before frost. Then it might go naturally dormant in cold weather and be ready to grow long enough roots in spring to live through the heat.

[kellyblah]

I have tried that. But, July/August, same thing. Even if we water occasionally. My yard is doomed, it happens.

[jadelennox]

Unless the neighbors want to PAY for these repairs, the situation isn't going to change.

And possibly not then! One man's there are high weeds where the lawn should be, paint doesn’t match and/or is faded in places is another man's we stopped growing kentucky bluegrass for a wildflower garden or we respected our area's drought-induced watering moratorium, unlike LW or we like our home to look weathered and we think your house is overmanicured overgroomed pleasantville nightmares, LW or we legit don't care and we think your aesthetic values are gross.

[ashbet]

Heh, we have had an absolute HECK of a time trying to keep the pollinator-garden plantings from getting mowed or yanked-out as weeds!

All of these are good reasons!!

[castiron]

I've owned my house for 25 years. When I bought it, it was an affordable house. Now the neighborhood house prices and the property tax payments have quadrupled or more, while my salary has barely doubled; I can't afford to spruce it up because I need to save for some major repairs that I know it's going to need in the next ten years. And since I work full-time and Spouse has health issues, there's only so much we can do on our own.

(As for moving to a cheaper house -- *what* cheaper house?)

[jadelennox]

Before speaking to their neighbor for long enough to have any sense of their financial situation, health, disability level, etc. -- which does not take much of a relationship at all -- they researched POTENTIAL CODE VIOLATIONS to use as a cudgel.

Yeet LW directly into the sun. This person is loathsome.

[ashbet]

YUPPPPPP.

[castiron]

And all their neighbors that have been leaving notes too. There needs to be a mass neighborhood yeeting.

[ethelmay]

We had someone send anonymous letters to the whole block about a "problem" house (some term like that, this was many years ago). I was far more worried about a neighbor who would pull shit like that than I was about the people who were supposedly a "problem" (because their house looked weird, not because they'd actually done a damn thing that I ever heard of).

[dissectionist]

I hate feeling vindictive, but this is one of those cases where I’m suddenly intensely wishing poverty on LW until they learn some goddamn empathy and develop the perspective to understand that other people’s lives may look very different than their own.

[minoanmiss]

WORD

[conuly]

LW could move, and that'd improve the neighborhood.

[cimorene]

True, but it sounds like the neighborhood contains more of their ilk, unless they're exaggerating to give their argument more weight.

[conuly]

I'll give it 50/50 odds on exaggeration.

[cimorene]

Yeah, it obviously wouldn't be outside their moral code.

Plus I guess even one fewer asshole is always an improvement.

[conuly]

And even if "other neighbors" isn't an outright lie, it could still be an attempt to make "one other person" sound like a lot more people than it is.

[likeaduck]

The lurkers support them in email.

[princessofgeeks]

ROFL

[lilysea]

Ugh, LW :(

A lot of people own houses, but have no money left over after

mortgage payments
council rates
electricity bills
groceries
healthcare costs

[kellyblah]

Or the house came to them as part of an inheritance. Or their situation in life changed -divorce, medical issues, job changes. Or maybe they bought in because of a job commute, or schools for hypothetical children, and this was at the top of their budget, and they are making sacrifices. So, so many things that LW and their crap neighbourhood compadres don't understand about these people. I wish people had more empathy, and less judge-y asshole characteristics.

[ethelmay]

I would be pretty creeped out if someone offered to mow my lawn, to be honest, unless it was a neighbor I was already on trade-favor terms with, or everyone knew I had just broken my leg, or something.

[conuly]

Or if it was clearly somebody trying to earn a buck, I'd get that.