(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Care and Feeding,

For as long as I remember, I’ve wanted to name my future child something unique like Otto. I’ve told friends and family in my life alike about this dream I have for a future baby boy. Well, fast forward to now, one of my best and oldest friends is having their first child. Great! And it’s a boy. I couldn’t be happier for her! Until she shared with me her plans for his name … the same name I’ve wanted for my child for years. In the moment, I was too stunned to say anything so I just smiled politely and faked excitement. But now I’m reeling.

She didn’t seem to anticipate any disappointment from me. So I guess there’s a chance she forgot? I myself am in a long-term relationship, and we’re thinking of having kids in the next year or two. What do I do?! Still go along with the name in the future? Tell her something?

—Name Tied

Dear Name Tied,

Yes, you too can name your child Otto. The world is a big place with enough room for multiple Ottos: Yours, your friend’s, the bus driver on The Simpsons, and Ashley Olsen’s new baby. (I’m assuming that neither you nor your friend are Ashley Olsen, even though I’d love it if either of you were.) Look, we have Paris Hilton and Paris Jackson as a result of Kathy Hilton and Michael Jackson’s friendship, according to some accounts. (Paris Jackson has said it was a result of a pact between the parents; Debbie Rowe, Paris Jackson’s mom, said Paris is where her daughter was conceived; La Toya Jackson has claimed the name Paris was her idea and has used it for her female dogs.) Regardless, they were both able to give their kids the same name without severing the friendship.

It’s shitty that your friend took the name you had selected and shared with her (if it was indeed conscious), but you will make it an even bigger deal if you allow this to dictate your decisions. Just live your life and in the event that you do have a little Otto, relish the surprise registering on her face when you reveal this information to her. You can explain that you have had your heart set on this name, you mentioned it to her, and she must have forgotten, and ha ha ha, isn’t life funny? It’s not always but that often depends on your attitude. So make it that.

—Rich

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Comments

[conuly]

JFC, what even is it with people and baby names? This one is particularly egregious given that LW is not pregnant.

Listen, just because you think the baby name you've always loved is super unusual does not mean it is. Maybe it was when you were a child but - guess what! Every other person your age in your society has been exposed to the same media influences you were, and way back when you decided this was the bestest baby name ever, they all made the same decision! And that is why my parents were blindsided by the popularity of the name "Jennifer" - like every other new parent that year, they assumed that nobody else had had their heart set on that name. And like every other parent, they assumed wrong.

There are some unusual cases where you might reasonably ask your nearest and dearest to avoid using a particular name. "I really like it" is not one of those cases, especially not when the person in question is an unrelated friend with a different last name.

[jamoche]

Both Coworker and his wife had common names, and a fairly common surname, so they did a lot of research to make sure they weren't picking a trending baby name.

Little Ariel was born a month or so before The Little Mermaid came out.

[laurajv]

Otto. Unique. Really.

I haven't looked at my copy of the full US name data for this, but I didn't have to: Otto has climbed about 600 spots in US name popularity in the past decade. Next year it will almost certainly cross the name "Raymond" (which no one in their right mind would claim is unique) in popularity.

[lethe1]

I know, right?

[melannen]

LW, this is not "your friend stealing your baby name", this is "your friend doing you the favor of warning you that your 'unique' name is no longer going to be unique by the time your baby's born." Be grateful they took the hit for you.

yes, this

[redbird]

If a hypothetical parent doesn't want their child to be one of five Jennifers or Aidens in their first-grade class, they should take a look at the Social Security website, which lists the most popular given names each year going back for about a century. Someone I knew asked, years ago, for name suggestions that weren't in the top ten, so I checked, and did not suggest that they name their child after my grandmother.

Re: yes, this

[conuly]

Interesting fact, the most popular names take up a significantly smaller subset of the population than they used to. Even if your kid has the most popular name of the year, they have a good chance of not having another child with that name in their classroom - or at most, having only *one* other child with that name instead of four or five.

[nineveh_uk]

I keep seeing this complaint in aginy aunt columns, and it fascinates me how people who are set on the One True Babyname never seem to grasp that if you go round telling everyone you meet that Gertrude is the best name in the world, eventually somebody is going to agree with you. At least keep it secret if you want your child to be uniquely Gertrude.

[mommy]

The other lady's son will be at least two years older than LW's hypothetical son, so it's not like they'd be in the same classroom at school. Maybe if they happen to be in the same location they'll have identifier tags like Blond Otto and Short Otto, but it won't be the end of the world. Many of us have been doing that for ages.

[senmut]

I'm just cackling, because my mother got absolutely incensed at an aunt who, after I was born, used the name 'Christopher' for her son when Mom had wanted that if she ever had a son.

So, I am rolling eyes at the LW, and enjoying a small moment of amusement for being reminded of my own mother.

[mrissa]

I'm going ahead and using the actual name in this anecdote because it is SO COMMON for my generation: I have a friend whose mother always wanted a daughter called Jenny Elizabeth. And a year before my friend was born, her mother's first cousin gave birth to a daughter and named her Jennifer Elizabeth. Guess what my friend's name is? JENNY ELIZABETH. And it is TOTALLY FINE and her mom never once regretted it and I don't think the cousin raised a fuss.

My own cousin gave her son a much less common family name for a middle name, and when her little sister wanted to also use the same MIDDLE NAME for her son's MIDDLE NAME, elder cousin THREW A FIT because what if the two cousins, who have never once lived in the same state and have different surnames and are six years apart in age, both wanted to go by their middle names at some point in their life. Eyeroll forever.

[melannen]

\Okay that second story would be bad enough if it was just coincidental, but it was a family name? As a middle name? She's lucky every cousin doesn't have it!

[mrissa]

It's the sort of family name that was a surname but is sometimes used as a first name. So yeah, it could easily be the middle name of every cousin of every gender. Elder cousin was being a pill.

[dine]

oh lord - this again. how are people not aware that maybe others also like a name, especially if it's a 'popular' name! and solid old-fashioned names are again quite popular. you want something unique, opt for Starshine Moonchild. I can pretty much guarantee they'd be the only one in the class (of course, then you're asking for reactions of an entirely different sort)

[tielan]

I sincerely do not understand the insistence on a unique name for one's child. Nor the fixation on how only one name will do for your future children.

[anotherslashfan]

Fun fact: our first kid happens to have a rather unique name (it's been out of fashion since the 70s/80s) that we chose not for its rarity but its other qualities and because it reminds us of a common acquaintance... And subsequently, they don't like their name. So I've been telling them that they can of course change their name (legally, if they're 18, or earlier if it's related to a gender update, of course) and that nicknames exist. What I'm trying to get at: instead of putting your own feelings first, the people you've named will certainly have the more important feelings on the matter.

[movingfinger]

My associations with the name Otto are 10% elderly Germans and 90% Otto von Biscuit, the best dog name in the world.

That said, yeah, if LW wants a "unique" name, they need to either come up with a pronounceable hash of sounds that no one has used before, or look way at the bottom of the baby name lists. Or deep in history: Otto may be having a moment, but I bet Odo isn't. Or Mungo, or Bungo, or Godric, or Marvin...or, in fact, John, I'd bet.

[mrissa]

I know four people with kids under 18 named John. Their siblings are always named things like Elizabeth and William. But unless it's after Uncle John whom they didn't like, nobody's cousin pitches a big fit to their friends about HOW could they name the baby something awful like JOHN oh I don't know I kind of like John etc. etc. etc., so it doesn't become a topic of conversation.