1. Two people in their late 30's with stressful jobs are taking a few weeks to relax? Clutch the pearls!
2. Ways this could go wrong: 2a. You give your son the money outright but put conditions on the daughter's. This leads to resentment and accusations of favoritism. 2b. You put conditions on both of the gifts, making it difficult for son to use the money as planned. This leads to resentment and accusations that you are punishing him and his wife for your son-in-law's actions.
3. One way you could avoid these things: instead of giving specific amounts of money, pay for specific needs. Fix the son's roof, pay for a few months of daycare for your daughter, etc.
4. I don't disagree that talking to the daughter about the issue might help, but ultimately, you can only control someone else so much. If you're going to give money, you may just have to let go of any thoughts of controlling the outcome.
Thoughts
2. Ways this could go wrong:
2a. You give your son the money outright but put conditions on the daughter's. This leads to resentment and accusations of favoritism.
2b. You put conditions on both of the gifts, making it difficult for son to use the money as planned. This leads to resentment and accusations that you are punishing him and his wife for your son-in-law's actions.
3. One way you could avoid these things: instead of giving specific amounts of money, pay for specific needs. Fix the son's roof, pay for a few months of daycare for your daughter, etc.
4. I don't disagree that talking to the daughter about the issue might help, but ultimately, you can only control someone else so much. If you're going to give money, you may just have to let go of any thoughts of controlling the outcome.