1a. Your husband can't read your mind. He may or may not have been listening to your words at the time you first said them, and would like you to repeat them again, now that he's come to see that something is actually important enough to make you upset. 1b. Your husband can't be expected to do his share of emotional labor, to calm down his wife when she is upset, or to pay attention to patterns in the relationship. 1c. Your husband can't be depended upon to create a welcoming and trusting space in which to air things that could use his help. 1d. No matter how understandably frustrated you are, your husband will ignore you or disregard your input if your emotional tone isn't where he would like it to be.
2a. Your husband owns you, and you must always remember that, even with close friends. 2b. Your husband is the judge of what constitutes "respect", and will police your tone even outside of his presence. 2c. Your husband controls who your friends are, by disapproving of and ignoring the ones he doesn't like. 2d. Don't talk to anyone else about what's going wrong within the marriage. Ever. 2e. Criticism is betrayal.
3. Okay, yeah.
(1. Nurture a welcoming and trusting environment where needs that are unmet can be discussed honestly, and worked towards meeting.
2. Spouses shouldn't be enemies; if you find yourself frequently asking your friends to be allies in a battle of you versus your spouse, something has gone very wrong.
3. Equals. Partners. Both of you treating the other one well, and expecting the same in return, and putting in equitable work according to your respective skills to complement and compensate.)
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1b. Your husband can't be expected to do his share of emotional labor, to calm down his wife when she is upset, or to pay attention to patterns in the relationship.
1c. Your husband can't be depended upon to create a welcoming and trusting space in which to air things that could use his help.
1d. No matter how understandably frustrated you are, your husband will ignore you or disregard your input if your emotional tone isn't where he would like it to be.
2a. Your husband owns you, and you must always remember that, even with close friends.
2b. Your husband is the judge of what constitutes "respect", and will police your tone even outside of his presence.
2c. Your husband controls who your friends are, by disapproving of and ignoring the ones he doesn't like.
2d. Don't talk to anyone else about what's going wrong within the marriage. Ever.
2e. Criticism is betrayal.
3. Okay, yeah.
(1. Nurture a welcoming and trusting environment where needs that are unmet can be discussed honestly, and worked towards meeting.
2. Spouses shouldn't be enemies; if you find yourself frequently asking your friends to be allies in a battle of you versus your spouse, something has gone very wrong.
3. Equals. Partners. Both of you treating the other one well, and expecting the same in return, and putting in equitable work according to your respective skills to complement and compensate.)