You raise some good points. I mean, I don't like the fact that my spouse sometimes talks about me to other people, but I recognize that he needs it at times, and since the situations are, by and large, not something that better communication between US is going to change anything (say, my health issues), I have to give him leeway to get support that I can't necessarily give him

And likewise, I'm...sort of stuck in a situation involving him in which I'm already communicating with him about the problem, and we're doing (and he's doing) what we can to address it, but if I couldn't let off some steam to a friend, it would make the situation even harder to face. If all I ever said about him was negative, that would be bad, but purging some of my emotions so that I can face the problem feeling less overwhelmed by it is not something I feel bad about.