>>She calls the shots on how things go down in that household and the focus is largely on her own family.<<

LW, do you hear yourself? She wants to be responsible for how her children are handled. The horror!

>>and I’m certain it was because I didn’t do it to her standards<<

By all means, assume that it's a criticism! That will improve your relationship!

>>the body language and facial expressions toward so many of us are an annoyance<<

Who are the mysterious other people to which you are referring? Perhaps your DIL seems to radiate an uncomfortable air because she senses your constant criticisms and overreaching.