Dear Abby: Conflict with Ex Over Daughter's Cell Phone

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I bought my 11-year-old daughter a cellphone. My ex does not approve. We have been divorced for six years, and he still can't get over it. He despises me. He refuses to listen to why I want her to have a cellphone.

While I want her to be responsible with it, I realize she will make mistakes -- which she already has by being on her phone too much. (It has been taken away from her once.) I want her to carry the phone with her in case of emergencies. If it is confiscated at school, her dad will no doubt tell me, "I told you so."

Should I abide by his wishes and not allow her to have the phone, or do you think my points are valid? -- MOM WITH PHONE ISSUE

DEAR MOM: Wanting your daughter to have the cellphone in case of emergency seems valid to me. If you are her custodial parent, I think that prerogative belongs to you.

But I do have a question: Who took the phone away from your daughter? If you did it because she was abusing the privilege, then she will learn her lesson if you are consistent. If a teacher takes it away from her at school, there should be consequences and you should ensure that they are enforced.

Comments

[cereta]

Leaving aside custody issues for the moment, you know, years ago, I was one of those people who didn't get why ten-year-olds needed cell phones.

We got my daughter one when she was eight.

Biggest reason? We don't have a land line. Besides just the idea that she might want to talk to friends or family (she actually mostly texts, but I figure that's a generational thing), the notion of leaving her home by herself while I ran to the grocery or he picked me up after a migraine treatment began to present itself (and that's as specific as I'm getting about that, because wow is that another hot button). And we realized that without a land line, she had no way of getting in touch with us in an emergency. I would not presume that a cell phone is a necessity for all kids, but more and more, it's just a logical decision that is more about safety (and a parent's peace of mind) than it is some kind of wild indulgence.

All that said, I would be curious to hear exactly what the ex's objections were. If the ex has primary custody, or of daughter spends most of her time at ex's, I could see the objections more clearly than if daughter spends most of her time with the LW, or even if time is split more or less evenly.

[azurelunatic]

And I believe that even if the parental decision is that a child that age should not have a smartphone (or should not have unsupervised access to a smartphone), there do exist child-safed non-smart phones. Some of them with the ability to dial only pre-programmed numbers including 911.

[minoanmiss]

I wonder how much of this is a proxy war and if so who's fighting it.