Sense and Sensitivity: A Troll Wants To Know Why I Blocked Him

[cereta]

DEAR HARRIETTE: Someone who runs in a similar social circle as me is a nuisance on social media. He is a self-proclaimed "troll," and he adds inappropriate or lewd comments on posts. I blocked and unblocked him (so it seems like he never followed me in the first place), but he has privately messaged me, asking why I won't let him follow me. How can I tell him that he makes people uncomfortable on social media? He genuinely thinks he's hilarious. -- Not My Follower, Philadelphia

DEAR NOT MY FOLLOWER: You have been given an invitation to express your feelings about this person's behavior. Give him the gift of your insight. Definitely tell him that the reason that you have blocked him is because many of his comments on social media make you uncomfortable. Point out specific examples of posts he has made that were inappropriate. Be prepared to explain what you think is inappropriate about them. Be clear that what he thinks is funny, you find offensive. Add that you do not want to be linked to someone whose commentary does not reflect your values. You can also suggest that he tone it down in general. While you cannot speak for other people, let him know you suspect that others find him offensive, too.

Comments

[cereta]

This strikes me as kind of typical Harriette (as much as I've read her): some decent advice while putting way too much labor (physical, emotional, or intellectual) on the wrong person. I don't think the LW needs to say anything more than, "Dude, by your own admission, you're a troll, and I just don't find trolling funny or want it in my space." The guy is either going to get it or he's not, and if it's the latter, writing a research paper on the topic probably isn't going to help. I mean, if he asks (and seems genuinely interested in the answer), having one or two specific examples of what you object to might help, but it's been my experience with lulz-trolls that they either really fail to see why anyone would object to their behavior or really don't give a shit, and explaining doesn't do much good.

[moem]

Yeah, I agree, way too much work and also too much emotion showing. Trolls see that as weakness, they thrive on that stuff; tell them they are making you uncomfortable and they'll practically have a schadenfreude-orgasm on the spot.
I'd go with 'You're boring and I've had enough'. Unless, like you're saying, he is genuinely wondering, but that's unlikely.

[cereta]

*nods* I mean, in my mind, the LW should only respond if they'll get a little catharsis out of saying, "Because you're boring" or some variation. I know the advice is always "don't feed the trolls," but sometimes the emotional release of one controlled response (and then no further contact) is worth not caring whether they claim to find you hilarious for not finding them hilarious, or somesuch. But going into detail, writing out more than a sentence, is pretty much just going to get you a, "lol."

[the_rck]

I could see doing the work if the guy were a friend or close relative as opposed to an acquaintance, but really, it very much doesn't sound as if he is. In those cases, the work would be about trying to keep a relationship in other spaces, but I don't see why the letter writer should bother.

[azurelunatic]

No. You don't owe this shitweasel your time or energy. Block him again, without explanation.

[rustica]

This, totally. Life's too short.

[azurelunatic]

The apology-and-betrayal cycle is one of the fun advanced forms of abuse!

[rustica]

It's the gift that just keeps on giving!

[redbird]

I would say, either ignore the message and block him privately, or answer "because you boast of being a shitstain" (or "waste of oxygen" if it needs to be G-rated) and block the person everywhere.

[rymenhild]

Columnist completely doesn't get the concept of trolling.

[melissatreglia]

Dear Not My Follower:

Don't listen to Harriette. She doesn't get the concept of trolling, because apparently she still lives in the 80s, before this new-fangled thing called Internet.

Trolls are douchebags without exception. Just tell him you think he's an unfunny moron and block him again. Permanently, this time. You don't owe him an explanation for why he's not invited into your Funtimes-Netspace.

<3

Melissa