I have to admit, I don't get what the LW wants, here. Like, she doesn't think she should contribute financially (which, fair, whatever), but then is annoyed with the bride's parents for "usurping" her role. She apparently doesn't believe in rehearsal dinners (which, every wedding I've ever been involved in has had at least a rehearsal dinner, and next-day brunches, especially for out-of-town guests, aren't that unusual), but is annoyed that she's being left out of planning it. I suspect the bit with the ex points to a truer issue, but she seems all over the place, here.