agonyaunt | (no subject)

My former partner and I created intimate photographs together when we were a couple. We have since broken up. My ex has now asked me to delete those images. I would prefer not to. I enjoy looking at them, and they are password protected. What’s more, my ex has kept copies of these photographs, too. Doesn’t that make the request to delete them seem like a double standard and unfair?

The mere existence of intimate photos in the hands of an ex (whether they depict nudity or sexual activity) would make many people feel vulnerable. And even though some may be unsympathetic toward people who willingly created such images — “What did they think would happen?” — let’s not stop there.

I am not interested in your arguments about double standards or fairness. Be a good person and recognize the distress these images may be causing your former partner. Offer to delete them if your ex will do the same. That’s the best result here.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/01/style/family-betrayal-trust.html

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LW, why are you trying to defend this here?

If LW's only argument was "Well, they also have copies and won't delete them" that'd be one thing, but I notice that came after "I like to look at naked pictures of my ex" which... dude, no. Consent can be revoked at any time, and as of your breakup, it's been revoked. I'm sure it's not like that in every breakup, but it clearly is in this one, so delete the damn pictures.

I am assuming the "togetherness" involved LW as the photographer and Ex as the subject of the photographs, so Ex's keeping copies of the photos is Ex keeping copies of photos of Exself and utterly irrelevant to LW's password-protected enjoyment of them, that is, the double standard does not in fact exist.

Oh, good point. I assumed they were both in the photos, or at least that there were photos of both of them.

Isn't this unenforceable? How is Ex supposed to know if LW is telling the truth? (Though I guess it does speak slightly well of LW that it hasn't occurred to them to just lie.)

I don't think we can know from what's stated whether the photos were of Ex only or of Ex and LW, but it looks as though the advice columnist assumed the latter.