Taken from Good Question (2/3)

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: I am a sophomore in high school, and I recently got into a relationship. This isn't my first rodeo when it comes to this type of stuff, but in this instance, the guy I'm dating has never been in a relationship before. This is his first time. Because I've done this before, I know what to do in certain situations and understand social cues. How do I go about teaching him about certain aspects in a relationship? Like, how do I get him to make the first move and things like that? -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: Be patient. Don't pressure him. Remember, everyone advances at their own rate. If what you want is a kiss, ask him for one. With a little help from you, I'm sure he will figure it out.

https://www.uexpress.com/life/dearabby/2023/01/11/1

Comments

[conuly]

1. I don't want to insult LW for being immature, because that's normal for children and adolescents, but they are way more immature than they think. This is also normal, and one day they'll either laugh or cringe.

At any rate, LW, Abby should have been much more clear in saying the following:

A. There is no one thing to "do in social situations" and there is no one set of social cues that everybody follows. Ideally we learn this as we grow up, but there's no harm in having it spelled out.

B. It is okay for YOU to "make the first move", so long as of course you are always careful to check and make sure he's as into it as you are and you have consent etc.

2. Comments are even more gross than usual for uexpress, with many people opining that LW is talking about sex (!), one person going so far as to say that the expression "not my first rodeo" is explicitly sexual (!?)

[ysobel]

Comments are even more gross than usual for uexpress, with many people opining that LW is talking about sex (!), one person going so far as to say that the expression "not my first rodeo" is explicitly sexual (!?)

..........what

I read the letter as "I know what's generally expected behavior in relationships, he seems clueless" meaning things like "boy buys flowers for girl" or "if someone starts flirting let them know you're in a relationship". Public behavior, not private! Maybe also "XYZ behavior counts as flirting", idk.

Not that they're too young for sex, just that didn't seem like the main issue.

[ethelmay]

If she actually did "get him" to make the first move, wouldn't whatever she did to do that be itself the "first move"? Why can't she just make the first move openly? There is not, in fact, a rule about that. There aren't actually a lot of rules here except the ones regarding safety, consent, kindness, etc. - same as in any other relationship.