WOW. This one hits me in the middle of my feels. And I want to repeat. WOW.
I doubt that LW actually knows that their kid is on their health care etc until they are 26 (in the US). And I wonder what that kid would do if say.. their parent doesn't fill out FAFSA with them (my mother refused. which is why I did a lot of things on my own.) But let's say kid doesn't want parent to pay for college. OK. Perhaps they were going to go into the military. But they still actually need a home address etc.. the military will want next of kin on their forms. Just how far is LW thinking this booting out of their life actually goes? Bc I don't think they realize that even if THEY think they are giving their kid the right push, in general, society around them will expect them to still participate in their lives.
Granted.. foster kids have this happen to them. But I don't think they would recommend it to anyone. They would love to have a place to go to for breaks and holidays. But it sounds like LW isn't really into that.
I myself went to college without any financial aid. I was told to figure it out, but not to go to the family for $$. I figured it out. It SUCKED. And today's rates for schools/housing/food etc is like 10xs more than when I did it. I worked 3 craptastic jobs at the same time, year round to pay for everything. I got little sleep and had little time to do those things that young adults do to form friendships and relationships that are sustaining. It does truly help them find people who prey on the weak. Not bc those kids are weak, but bc they have no extra energy to see warning signs. That bootstrap stuff is bullshit and they can burn themselves out before they hit their mid twenties.
Personally: I did have a home to go to even tho I did all this. BUT with no other support I found jobs that provided housing or food etc. I would occasionally go home to toss a load of laundry in, but everything else was on me. And frankly I probably assumed if something truly bad happened the family would step up. I finally found a job across the country and I moved. As I was packing the last of my things my mother looked me in the eye and informed me very clearly. "If something ever happens, you cannot call us to help you. Understand" And from that moment on I fully realized there had been no net all along. LW tell the kid now. Kid, I hope you have some good friends who can help and a hell of a lot of luck.
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I doubt that LW actually knows that their kid is on their health care etc until they are 26 (in the US). And I wonder what that kid would do if say.. their parent doesn't fill out FAFSA with them (my mother refused. which is why I did a lot of things on my own.) But let's say kid doesn't want parent to pay for college. OK. Perhaps they were going to go into the military. But they still actually need a home address etc.. the military will want next of kin on their forms. Just how far is LW thinking this booting out of their life actually goes? Bc I don't think they realize that even if THEY think they are giving their kid the right push, in general, society around them will expect them to still participate in their lives.
Granted.. foster kids have this happen to them. But I don't think they would recommend it to anyone. They would love to have a place to go to for breaks and holidays. But it sounds like LW isn't really into that.
I myself went to college without any financial aid. I was told to figure it out, but not to go to the family for $$. I figured it out. It SUCKED. And today's rates for schools/housing/food etc is like 10xs more than when I did it. I worked 3 craptastic jobs at the same time, year round to pay for everything. I got little sleep and had little time to do those things that young adults do to form friendships and relationships that are sustaining. It does truly help them find people who prey on the weak. Not bc those kids are weak, but bc they have no extra energy to see warning signs. That bootstrap stuff is bullshit and they can burn themselves out before they hit their mid twenties.
Personally: I did have a home to go to even tho I did all this. BUT with no other support I found jobs that provided housing or food etc. I would occasionally go home to toss a load of laundry in, but everything else was on me. And frankly I probably assumed if something truly bad happened the family would step up. I finally found a job across the country and I moved. As I was packing the last of my things my mother looked me in the eye and informed me very clearly. "If something ever happens, you cannot call us to help you. Understand" And from that moment on I fully realized there had been no net all along. LW tell the kid now. Kid, I hope you have some good friends who can help and a hell of a lot of luck.