Carolyn Hax: My girlfriend wouldn't invite me to her friend's wedding!

[cereta]

Dear Carolyn: My girlfriend of two years was invited to the wedding of a classmate of hers. I asked whether I could attend as her date. She said that, because the invitation didn’t include me, I shouldn’t go. I asked whether she wouldn’t mind asking the bride. She refused.

I assumed she would stay only a very short time. By midnight, I finally hear from her. She proclaims that I am completely wrong and should not have made this into a big deal. My problem is that she didn’t even try. And she was going to see two people with whom she has history. I believe I wasn’t included because of them, which she denies.

— R.

R.: Your girlfriend was right: An invitation addressed only to her means you weren’t invited, and it’s not acceptable to pressure couples to add guests.

If you really believe your girlfriend is a liar who can’t be trusted without a chaperone, then please direct your efforts to asking yourself why you haven’t just broken up with her — instead of angling for invitations to weddings you apparently had no other reason to want to attend than to supervise her.

Comments

RED FLAG, RED FLAG

[cereta]

I was reading along, thinking, "LW,* you are not being required to attend a wedding of people you don't know. Take the gift."

And then I got to, "I assumed she would stay only a very short time," and the klaxons went off. Kudos to Hax for recognizing LW's controlling motive.

I am going to validate one thing for the LW: the couple almost certainly was deliberately excluding LW. A relationship of two years may not be the same as a marriage of decades, but it's not really just "plus one," either. Maybe they had a really, really tight budget or a really, really small wedding, but I'm going with, "they don't like you, and I don't blame them."

And LW's gf: RUN.

*I am trying really, really hard not to assume gender, here.

Re: RED FLAG, RED FLAG

[hashiveinu]

+1

Re: RED FLAG, RED FLAG

[castiron]

Good point -- if this wedding is local enough that the LW was expecting GF home right afterward, the classmate presumably knows GF well enough to know she's had a partner for two years, so I agree, LW was deliberately left off.

Re: RED FLAG, RED FLAG

[conuly]

Agreed.

[watersword]

2k23 CHALLENGE: STOP DATING PEOPLE YOU DISLIKE AND DISTRUST.

[minoanmiss]

This this this

[melannen]

There *are* circumstances where it's OK to pressure the hosts to add a plus one. For example, you're disabled and need someone to help you around. This is not one of those circumstances.