agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife, "Jenny," and I were together seven years, married for almost five of them. We have a young child together. We have been divorced for eight months. I have been trying to reconcile with her because she is the love of my life and I want our family to be together.

The problem is, since we separated, she has been seeing my ex-best friend, "Mack," who was the best man at our wedding. I was crushed when I found out. I have tried to show Jenny that Mack is a manipulator and a liar and that he hasn't been honest with her during their time together.

I know that I am clearly the best man for Jenny, our son and our family. However, she continues to see Mack even after his true colors have been shown and after I have done everything to make things right with us and win her back. How should I proceed, knowing she's making the wrong decision? -- RIGHTING A WRONG

DEAR RIGHTING: Please accept my sympathy because it's obvious you are hurting. You can't save your marriage all by yourself. It takes two. Your ex is unwilling to accept that Mack hasn't been honest, and sometimes people must learn the hard way. As much as you'd like to "save" Jenny, she's going to have to make her own mistakes. Stay close so you can buffer your son if there are stormy seas ahead. If Mack is as bad as you say, their romance likely will not last.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2759486

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I don't know if Mack really is a manipulative liar.

I do know that LW needs to get some perspective.

oh honey. If they didn't have a kid I would tell LW to take a six month vacation from Jenny to get some distance and perspective. But they have a kid.

I wonder if Abby as a house style book which says "always take everything LW says as gospel."

(I mean, the advice is right: the relationship is over, maintain a relationship with your son. But I wish it came with a big old heap of "Jenny gets to decide what's best for her, even if you disagree, and you no longer get to be the arbiter of the rightness of her decisions."

I'm very charitably assuming that Abby guessed that LW wouldn't take the advice if it was framed that way.

I very much wish we could send Jenny a warning.

Is Mack manipulative and controlling? Unclear. Is LW? Yes, definitely.

Abby isn't just taking the LW's word for it that Mack is a manipulator and a liar; she's also accepting his claim that this means his ex should go back to him, rather than being single at least for a while, or with someone who is neither Mack nor LW.

I wonder when LW decided that his former best friend, who was best man at their wedding, was "a manipulator and a liar," and specifically whether that was before or after Jenny broke up with LW.

Also, timelines: if they've been divorced for eight months, they probably split up more than a year ago, maybe more than two years ago. Yes it's possible to get a divorce quickly, if both parties want to divorce, and don't need time to settle things like child custody.

LW, Jenny clearly doesn't think you're the best man for her, because she divorced you. And if everything you say is true, why the heck would you want Jenny back if she's decided she prefers a "manipulator and liar" over you? Why wouldn't you rather move on and find a new best friend who really has your interests at heart and a new romantic partner who thinks you're great?

(I have the sneaking suspicion that "manipulator and liar" translates as "he's dating my ex instead of treating her as completely off limits". Amd for all we know, former best friend has spent multiple years going "why am I best friends with this asshole? he treats his wife like shit when she's wonderful! if she ever dumps him I'm going to see if she'll give me a chance, and if she does I'll love her like she deserves".)

There is so MUCH missing here that I am deeply suspicious of LW's account.

At the very least, Jenny gets to decide who the best man for her is by herself, and she's decided it is not LW.

He should back off the attempts to woo his ex-wife back and concentrate on being the best co-parent for his son he can be.

This letter reads like fake to me. If not: run, Jenny, run! I know that I am clearly the best man for Jenny, our son and our family sounds like the creepy, stalkerish, vindictive ex you read about in the news after they have murdered their ex-partner and children.