agonyaunt | (no subject)

Dear Prudence,

My wife is pregnant. She has two kids, “Joanna” and “Jenny” from her late husband. I have “Jonah” with my ex-wife. We didn’t plan on the name alliterations and everyone always comments on it, especially since the kids seriously resemble each other without any DNA shared and are near the same age. My wife wants to give our baby a “J’ name, to complete the set, so to speak. And she thinks it would be weird and off-putting for our baby not to match their siblings. I utterly hate the idea. I have suggested naming the baby after our parents, depending on the sex. It feels more meaningful and less cutesy. She hates that idea. I said we could use the J name as a middle name and use the nickname “TJ” or “DJ” or whatever. “Here are my kids: Joanna, Jenny, Jonah, and Anna Jane, we call her AJ for short.” That doesn’t make me wince. My wife is no-go still. Is this a hill to die on or just a molehill?

— Naming Woes

Dear Naming Woes,

If your wife really can’t agree, the baby should get a vote. Speaking for the baby, I think they would like to have a name that fits in with the names of the rest of the siblings. So start brainstorming J names that you can live with. Sorry!

https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/12/dear-prudence-gravestone-insult.html

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm with Prudence on this one - the only thing weirder than having 4 kids with matching names is having 3 kids with matching names and then one without.

People will roll their eyes at the first one, but they'll make assumptions at the second.

Why does LW hate it? I think they need to have their favorite beer (just one) for clarity and think about that a moment.

Besides if matching names are good enough for hobbits they should be good enough for anybody!

Edited 2022-12-24 16:22 (UTC)

"Good enough for hobbits" should be the rule for more things.

Meh, I disagree with the interpretation of what the baby will necessarily want. A lot of kids would absolutely prefer to be the one with the original name. Stop trying to guess what the baby will like and come up with a compromise.

How about a J name that nicknames to something that doesn't start with a J. Do you have a non-English language background? Then you could have a J-name you call Seamus, Yaakov, Diego, Ian, Hans, Hamish, Evan, Shaun. Go the other direction and have a Gwen or a Geoffrey or a Gemma. Have a Joanne that you call Anna, or a Jennifer you call Nif.

Or whatever. It's the normal parental conflict over baby names, with a silly twist. Nice to have one that's not dire!

This! Pepita, Beppe, Fifi, Finka, Posey; Coos, Akiva; Hanne, Nina, Netta, Vana--they can find a J-name with a standard non-J nickname in any European language.

(If 'J' was made up for the letter and it's actually something else, it might be a little harder, but I guarantee they can find something. Traditional nicknames can be wildly removed from the base name, and a lot of them are just old-fashioned enough to sound fresh: Polly, Peg, Gretchen, Lottie, Dora, Ned, Teddy, Nancy...)

My dad had a Great Uncle Kim -- short for Joachim.

As a teenager, I was friends with a girl who went by Iffer.

The LW is not being creative, or taking account that the kid will have gotten a better nickname by 12 if they really dislike what they got at birth.

How about a J name that nicknames to something that doesn't start with a J.

Yes! That's what I was coming to the comments to suggest. Give the kid options rather than trying to precognitively read their mind.

You can't really ask the baby, but LW: the siblings are probably old enough to ask, it will matter to their lives too (And they're the ones who have the best idea how the matching names have mattered so far!) Let them decide the argument.

(It's really not that important. I promise. The baby will be fine with any name, and if they get old enough it matters, they can change it. This is exactly the sort of thing you can let younger kids help with, because it *does* matter, but not in any way that a four-year-old can mess up, only in ways that a four-year-old's help will make it better.

...don't let them pick the *name*, I will clarify. But they can pick the letter. And *suggest* names.)

don't let them pick the *name*, I will clarify.

That's how you end up with Jababy McBabyface

Yes! I was five when I chose my sister's second name, and she uses that as her preferred name in many contexts now! It's quite the bond between us; I highly recommend it.

If I met a family whose kids' names all started with J, I would immediately have the suspicion that they're right-wing evangelicals like the Duggars, and would be cautious about closer acquaintance; I may be an outlier in that assumption, though.

Is there any possibility of kid #5? If there is, that's another reason why I'd go for a non-J name for #4; otherwise, you're really stuck with a J for #5.