agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Earlier this year my wife started taking anti-depressants. She had been on them before, when she was a teenager and had had a bad time with a bunch of bad things happening at once. She began gaining weight back then, and took herself off the meds and hasn’t taken anything since then until now.

She had a major health scare this summer and that triggered her depression and anxiety, and the family practice doctor we see started her on new meds.

Now my wife is gaining weight again. She is exercising, watching what she eats, doing everything you’re supposed to do, but she has still gained nearly 30 lbs. in the past few months. I keep telling her to talk to her doctor about changing her prescriptions, but she says at least she isn’t depressed anymore, but I am afraid the weight gain is going to make her depressed all over again.

What can I do to help her realize she needs to do something before the weight becomes its own problem, both for her physical and mental health? --- NEEDS HELP WITH MEDS

DEAR NEEDS HELP WITH MEDS: While a primary care physician, especially a good one, is a right place to start in dealing with mental health issues, perhaps it’s time for your wife to talk to her family practitioner about exploring different medication and non-medication treatment options, and whether or not she would benefit by augmenting her care with the addition of mental health professionals such as a psychiatrist and/or therapist.

From what I’ve seen, a team effort can often succeed better than pursuing a single avenue of treatment for mental health concerns.

https://www.uexpress.com/life/ask-someone-elses-mom/2022/11/29

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If the weight gain doesn't make Wife depressed, the fact that LW keeps badgering her about it sure will. JFC, it's only been a few months. LW needs to get their priorities in fucking order.

Now, I will agree that Wife probably needs to see a specialist in mental health rather than just her regular doctor, but that's a totally separate issue.

If the weight gain doesn't make Wife depressed, the fact that LW keeps badgering her about it sure will.

Yep. He says he is concerned for her health, but he really doesn't like his wife to be fat.

Seriously!!!!!!! Fatphobic dick. If you're actually worried about it making her unhappy, why are you actively taking actions that make that MORE likely? Because you want her to be thin, apparently more than you want her to be happy - or at best, you can't imagine happiness and fatness co-existing.

Argh, I'm so annoyed with this non-answer! The LW is asking "how do I persuade my wife to sacrifice her mental health to keep her body attractive for me?", and SEM is responding with generic advice about how to access mental health treatment. Wife doesn't need a psychiatrist because her depression is situational and tractable to medication. The best outcome I can imagine from talking therapy is that a good therapist might give her confidence to DTMFA. But even that is not an immediate need.

Like, weight gain caused be meds can be a problem, definitely. But in this case, wife has decided that being 30lb heavier is a good trade off for being mentally functional. The problem here is that LW needs to stop being a fatphobic shithead and actually support his wife still recovering from the effects of a "major health scare".

This.

double this.

I want to ask LW flat out if he would rather his wife be dead or fat.

I don't think we want to hear the answer. 😶

I can but hope that hearing himself say it shocks him. I can but hope.

Like. A weight gain can be a problem, but it's not the end of the world.

On the other hand, it can NOT be a problem, too, and you, LW, seem to be the one with the problem, not her. You might interrogate *that* some for your*self*.

LW, if Wife says she's okay with the extra weight in exchange for how the inside of her head feels, take her flipping word for it.

She still might want to check with a doctor because the rate of weight gain could be a problem -- but if a symptom of her mental health issues was she didn't eat enough and was underweight, and now that her brain chemicals are regulated she's eating the right amount, well, guess what?

If LW keeps nagging her about it, though, I know a great way that she can shed 160-220 pounds over a few months; it's an expensive process, but once she loses that weight it's gone.

Is there such a thing as a Whole Columnist Disposal Service? Because leaving aside how not telling this LW to fuck off into the sun is the biggest problem, saying "hey, LW, your wife should do X" is always terrible advice even if the wife in question isn't suffering from the mental health condition that makes doing anything like climbing Mount Everest. She's got major depressive disorder and is managing to get a good prescription that works for her, exercising, and doing well? Dude, your wife is basically Tenzing Norgay summiting while carrying all the shit. Cut her some slack and go educate yourself about both depression and antifatness.

And then, Columnist, you go educate yourself.