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Two letters from the same column, are these people for real!?
1. DEAR ABBY: A friend, "Marie," approached me in the parking lot after church, raising her voice, flailing her arms and saying three people had told her that I told them to stay away from her and her husband. I told Marie it wasn't true, and she and her husband were my friends. She reiterated that three people said it, shaking her hand and holding up three fingers in my face.
When I asked who they were, she wouldn't tell me. I asked her if she would get the three people together at her house because I would like to talk to them in person -- she said no to that request, too. I then stated that we were standing on hallowed ground in the church parking lot, and I was telling her the truth. Again, she insisted she heard differently from three people.
I was very upset to be accused of a total lie and at Marie's refusal to believe me. When I suggested we go inside the church and I would put my hands on Jesus' feet and swear I never said anything about her and her husband, she said she didn't have time.
After I came home from church, I sent a text to the only two friends I had spoken to recently and asked them if I had said anything to them about Marie and her husband. Both replied no. I sent a copy of both texts to Marie so she could read them for herself. I thought it would be another way of showing I am not guilty.
How on Earth can I prove I am not guilty if Marie won't let me talk to the three supposed people or swear on Jesus' feet that I'm not guilty? What should I do? -- ACCUSED IN IDAHO
DEAR ACCUSED: Because this unhappy scenario happened on church property, consider discussing it with your religious adviser. Marie's actions were over the top. Could she have emotional problems you aren't aware of? If members of the congregation are really carrying nasty and disruptive tales after church as she has asserted, your preacher may want to deliver a sermon soon about "bearing false witness." You have my sympathy.
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2. DEAR ABBY: For many years, my wife and I have donated items to charitable agencies. I have been a blood donor for many years. Sometimes, I get a "thank-you" item, such as a T-shirt with words on it indicating that I donated.
I'm not comfortable donating a shirt with such a message. The person who receives it might not be a blood donor. While wearing it, the person might be thanked by someone who sees the shirt. That person wouldn't have the right to "steal the glory" and puff out his chest. It's a shame to trash a shirt. Do you have a suggestion as to what I might do with such an item? -- DONATING IN FLORIDA
DEAR DONATING: Because of your concerns about stolen glory, consider using the T-shirt(s) for house cleaning. However, if you cannot bring yourself to do that, donate the item to a homeless shelter and consider it publicizing a worthy cause that needs more attention.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2754536
When I asked who they were, she wouldn't tell me. I asked her if she would get the three people together at her house because I would like to talk to them in person -- she said no to that request, too. I then stated that we were standing on hallowed ground in the church parking lot, and I was telling her the truth. Again, she insisted she heard differently from three people.
I was very upset to be accused of a total lie and at Marie's refusal to believe me. When I suggested we go inside the church and I would put my hands on Jesus' feet and swear I never said anything about her and her husband, she said she didn't have time.
After I came home from church, I sent a text to the only two friends I had spoken to recently and asked them if I had said anything to them about Marie and her husband. Both replied no. I sent a copy of both texts to Marie so she could read them for herself. I thought it would be another way of showing I am not guilty.
How on Earth can I prove I am not guilty if Marie won't let me talk to the three supposed people or swear on Jesus' feet that I'm not guilty? What should I do? -- ACCUSED IN IDAHO
DEAR ACCUSED: Because this unhappy scenario happened on church property, consider discussing it with your religious adviser. Marie's actions were over the top. Could she have emotional problems you aren't aware of? If members of the congregation are really carrying nasty and disruptive tales after church as she has asserted, your preacher may want to deliver a sermon soon about "bearing false witness." You have my sympathy.
2. DEAR ABBY: For many years, my wife and I have donated items to charitable agencies. I have been a blood donor for many years. Sometimes, I get a "thank-you" item, such as a T-shirt with words on it indicating that I donated.
I'm not comfortable donating a shirt with such a message. The person who receives it might not be a blood donor. While wearing it, the person might be thanked by someone who sees the shirt. That person wouldn't have the right to "steal the glory" and puff out his chest. It's a shame to trash a shirt. Do you have a suggestion as to what I might do with such an item? -- DONATING IN FLORIDA
DEAR DONATING: Because of your concerns about stolen glory, consider using the T-shirt(s) for house cleaning. However, if you cannot bring yourself to do that, donate the item to a homeless shelter and consider it publicizing a worthy cause that needs more attention.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2754536
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Anyway, either LW is lying through their teeth and has been the one stirring up trouble, or there's something deeply worrisome about Marie's behavior. Or, I guess, several people at LW's teeth have conspired to cause a fight.
LW may actually want to consider moving to another church. I don't see this rift healing, and it doesn't sound like they're really that close to her coreligionists. Abby ought to have added that advice at the end of the rest of her response.
Also - is the parking lot really hallowed ground? Seriously?
2. LW needs to get over themself. First of all, thrift stores are inundated with clothes and branded merchandise and all that stuff is either tossed directly or shipped overseas to be, most likely, tossed. So if LW really doesn't want their junky t-shirts cluttering up the trash stream, then LW ought to tell all those organizations from the get-go that they don't want the "free gift", the good deed is its own reward.
Secondly, omfg, what a ridiculous thing to waste brainpower worrying over. Some poor person somewhere might buy a blood donor t-shirt from the thrift store and trick people into thinking that they have donated blood - and not for the stipend, nor the free cookies? Who even cares?
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Don't we, as a country, worship at the church of the four wheeled internal combustion engine?
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Yes, that also jumped out at me!
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Depends whether that's where they paved paradise and put up a parking lot, I suppose.
What sort of a church is this? Okay, maybe not one in which they both get to handle the holy rattlesnakes to see who gets bit, but I'm thinking of the congregation in Silas Marner that cast lots (though that did not turn out well for the innocent Marner). Do they do exorcisms?
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Hahaha!
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It's someone that both parties presumably both have some respect for (or why be at that church), and hopefully they have some training in handling this kind of thing, or connecting to someone who's better suited for that.
(It's also entirely possible that there's other stuff going on, the LW is mis-reporting, etc. But if that's the case, well, any experienced clergy will figure that out pretty fast.)
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LW, get over yourself. It's A TSHIRT, not the gold medal for a Nobel prize!
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All LW2 needs to do is leave the t-shirt behind after they give blood and have their juice and cookies, and say "no thank you" if asked for their shirt size. Also, most people won't think much of it if they see a person wearing a shirt that says something like "blood donor" or "X location blood drive." It would take more than an "I gave blood" t-shirt to change my opinion of someone, in part because it's well-known that people give t-shirts to charity. When I gave blood it wasn't so I could "puff out my chest," and the main reason I took the "be nice to me, I gave blood today" stickers was as an explanation if someone noticed I looked pale at lunch.
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Actually, I think they should cut the T-shirts up into spirals and knit the spirals into washcloths, to be used while scrubbing floors on hands and knees while chanting "I will not waste advice writers' time with this kind of bullshit."
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When my father passed away two years ago we had to seriously consider what to do with gift shirts he'd received over the years, but it was for a completely different reason - they were shirts given to him by subcontracted companies he'd worked with, bearing company logos and looking similar to the shirts their employees would wear, and therefore there were concerns about someone imitating a plumber/electrician/etc (because we'd actually seen that happen). In this case, I ended up reaching out to the companies and asking if there was any specific way they wanted donation/disposal handled - some said to go ahead and donate, some asked us to cut through the logos and dispose of them, and a couple contractors said that they could take the shirts back to use as spares in case someone got too dirty/torn on a job. Sharing this anecdote because it is something to consider if you end up in this kind of situation
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Grow the flip up and donate the shirts.
Yes, one can take pride in being willing to have a needle shoved in a vein on a regular basis to help strangers; it's an altruistic act in our individualistic culture. The reward, however, is knowing that you helped someone whose life was in danger, plus the free cookies. If you're doing it for the t-shirt, take up marathon running instead.
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