For me, it's about how unjustifiable I think the actions are AND also about how bad I think the actions are
Eating red meat every single day (which means massive carbon emissions), without a genuine medical need [like Anemia, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Endometriosis, or multiple food intolerances] to do so? Not a good choice, but I wouldn't cut off a friend over it.
Deliberately telling transphobes about the details of a specific "Drag queens read to children" event in the hope that they would turn up and be harrassing/disruptive? If I was certain that signalling the transphobes was deliberate (and not just an accidental by product of publicising the event to parents/kids who wanted to go and have a good time) I'd cut ties immediately
Voting for One Nation (Australia's party for really vile racists) - I'd cut ties immediately
Telling me they planned to keep buying JK Rowling books because the Potter universe was really important to them? I'd feel uncomfortable, but we'd still be friends
Telling me they refused to get themselves/their kids vaccinated against COVID, even tho their doctor said it was fine for them to get vaccinated and there was no medical reason for them not to do so? I would cut ties
Telling me that they had *deliberately* leaked the new address/phone number of someone else to an estranged parent/estranged ex? I would cut ties
"I’m visiting Hawaii during a drought" = okay, that's not ideal, but for all I know the money they will be spending will be the difference between a local person living in Hawaii being able to buy food and pay rent, or not being able to
"I’m trying to adopt a baby and fighting the birth mother for custody" = I'd need to know more to make a judgement. Does the birth mother have a history of drug/alcohol abuse and/or child neglect/child abuse? Then I'm okay with fighting the birth mother for custody. Is the birth mother a good parent apart from being young and/or poor? Then I am very much NOT okay with fighting the birth mother for custody.
"I’m going on a mission trip to Uganda to convert people to Christianity" = nope nope NOPE. Anyone who is this Christian is NOT likely to be a good person for me to be friends with, for reasons including that I have massive trauma around Christianity and also that I'm bisexual. Also, going to Uganda to try to convert people to a new religion feels racist as fuck. If Ugandan people wanted to convert to Christianity, they're perfectly able to decide that for themselves by themselves, without random white arseholes inserting themselves in what is none of their business.
no subject
Eating red meat every single day (which means massive carbon emissions), without a genuine medical need [like Anemia, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Endometriosis, or multiple food intolerances] to do so? Not a good choice, but I wouldn't cut off a friend over it.
Deliberately telling transphobes about the details of a specific "Drag queens read to children" event in the hope that they would turn up and be harrassing/disruptive? If I was certain that signalling the transphobes was deliberate (and not just an accidental by product of publicising the event to parents/kids who wanted to go and have a good time) I'd cut ties immediately
Voting for One Nation (Australia's party for really vile racists) - I'd cut ties immediately
Telling me they planned to keep buying JK Rowling books because the Potter universe was really important to them? I'd feel uncomfortable, but we'd still be friends
Telling me they refused to get themselves/their kids vaccinated against COVID, even tho their doctor said it was fine for them to get vaccinated and there was no medical reason for them not to do so? I would cut ties
Telling me that they had *deliberately* leaked the new address/phone number of someone else to an estranged parent/estranged ex? I would cut ties
"I’m visiting Hawaii during a drought" = okay, that's not ideal, but for all I know the money they will be spending will be the difference between a local person living in Hawaii being able to buy food and pay rent, or not being able to
"I’m trying to adopt a baby and fighting the birth mother for custody" = I'd need to know more to make a judgement. Does the birth mother have a history of drug/alcohol abuse and/or child neglect/child abuse? Then I'm okay with fighting the birth mother for custody. Is the birth mother a good parent apart from being young and/or poor? Then I am very much NOT okay with fighting the birth mother for custody.
"I’m going on a mission trip to Uganda to convert people to Christianity" = nope nope NOPE. Anyone who is this Christian is NOT likely to be a good person for me to be friends with, for reasons including that I have massive trauma around Christianity and also that I'm bisexual. Also, going to Uganda to try to convert people to a new religion feels racist as fuck. If Ugandan people wanted to convert to Christianity, they're perfectly able to decide that for themselves by themselves, without random white arseholes inserting themselves in what is none of their business.