Dear Prudie - slacker?

[deird1]

Q. Work friend is slacker, doesn’t know it: I have a friend at work who asked me to help her with her résumé. She is unhappy because she gets passed over for opportunities offered to nearly everyone else in her position elsewhere in the institution. What she doesn’t realize is her attitude keeps her from getting any help from those around her. She has very set ideas about what is and is not “her job.” No matter what crisis is going on, she leaves for her break at exactly the scheduled time, takes her full lunch hour, and leaves for home exactly on time. She is also known for using sick days during busy, stressful times. She is part of a union that protects her, but the union cannot force others to help her out beyond what she already has. I’d like to tell her what I observe, but it won’t be taken well. She’s a good person and she is in dire financial need of an opportunity that would get her better benefits, and would not involve a promotion or a pay raise. No one will help her (and I am not in a position to help her). Even if she does get another job, these qualities will continue to hurt her prospects. Is there a good way to help?

A: I don’t know that I agree with your assessment of your friend’s shortcomings. Having a clear idea of one’s own job description, taking legally mandated breaks during the workday, occasionally getting sick regardless of how busy things are at work, and going home on time sounds fairly reasonable and self-actualized to me. The problem may be your institution’s expectation that employees exploit themselves, not your friend’s appropriate boundaries; I can’t imagine she will be held back at a healthier workplace by doing things like “taking an hour for lunch,” and I hope she’s able to find a healthier workplace sooner rather than later.

Comments

[deird1]

I found this interesting, because I mostly agreed with the answer, but the comments universally thought that the friend was slacking off, and that it wasn't reasonable to take a full lunch hour. (Some were even annoyed at her using sick days during busy times, which baffled me. Do we want her to stay and infect everyone else?)

[eleanorjane]

The only thing where LW may have a point is "using sick days in busy times" - because that /could/ be perfectly reasonable, or it might not - we're not in a position to judge and LW's judgement is clearly skewed, so.

I'm with you, though, and nuts to the commenters.

[cereta]

Yeah, this is a real cultural thing. All those cold/flu remedy commercials that define "success" as "you can get back to work!" annoy me. God forbid we stay home when sick.

I can see how her co-workers might resent her: it's easier to resent a peer and see her as a concrete Problem-with-a-capital-P than to contemplate being stuck in a job that exploits you, or worse, a culture that says that's normal and reasonable.

[shreena]

I don't think it's about taking her full lunch hour, it's about doing so no matter what crisis is going on . I managed someone recently like this and the complete lack of flexibility was really tedious - there were days when we really really needed all hands on deck and she'd just wander off for an hour, leaving the rest of us to do everything. I was fine with her taking a full lunch hour generally but, sometimes, I needed her support and it wasn't there.

It's within the rules, of course, and I wouldn't give her a bad performance review for taking her legal entitlements but I didn't see any particular reason to give her opportunities or a promotion either.

Similarly, it feels a bit tone-deaf to be complaining that you don't get opportunities outside your core role if you refuse to do anything outside your core role to help anyone else out in a busy period, etc. I sort of feel like you don't get it both ways - don't want to do anything other than exactly.your.job in precisely.your.contracted.hours and no-one will give you anything extra or more challenging to do. Not least because they probably fear your reaction to being given opportunities - will you ask for more pay, to drop some of your other tasks, will you even be interested?

[misbegotten]

My former workplace culture was very much a "power through the illness" atmosphere, in which supervisors in particular were responsible for setting an example. I hate that attitude. I'd prefer that the example be "if you're sick, stay home, don't infect everyone else or make your own illness linger" but that wasn't the norm.

It infuriates me that the friend even sees the union as "protecting" her. Yes, that's what they do, enforce the rules. And the rules are that she gets lunch, gets a break, gets sick time.

Having said all that, I've been in situations where coworkers' *attitude* towards their rights have been irritating. The comment that she always takes her break at "exactly the scheduled time" despite any crisis that might be brewing suggests a kind of stubbornness that can rub coworkers the wrong way. Ditto having a narrowly-defined view of what is "her job" and what isn't. It's not the actions, it's the attitude. So maybe she is a slacker. But she's still not doing anything wrong. ::shrug::

[xenacryst]

I'm sorta with this, with a helping of "can't tell from the letter." Maybe the friend has that kind of rub-the-wrong-way attitude. Maybe the friend just has "this is shit up with which I will not put, and the union has my back" attitude, which is perfectly healthy. But all I can see is colored by the LW who clearly *doesn't* have the latter attitude, and thus is going to slant things.

[cereta]

Yes. I was trying to make that thought coalesce, and couldn't.

[misbegotten]

I think you said it well; I was just typing before I saw your response. ;)

[annotated_em]

Mmm. I'm of two minds about this letter. It's good that the friend is actually taking her breaks and lunch and working her schedule and not letting work encroach on her life. If she's working in a union shop, then she is absolutely entitled to the protections her union affords her, and wow, it'd be awesome if more folks were in that happy situation.

That said, speaking as someone who is in management... there are some iffy things that the letter writer is flagging. LW says that friend is getting passed over for opportunities and her attitude is contributing to this. It's one thing to take your breaks and sick leave and lunch as you are entitled. These are all good things. On the other hand, it sounds like the friend is also not showing some of the flexibility that builds social capital. Like--sometimes the workload means that it's really inconvenient for someone to drop everything just because it's break time instead of waiting ten or fifteen minutes for things to clear up some. And the part where the friend is described as being really set about what is/isn't her job? That reads to me like someone who's not interested in taking on any kind of new challenges, which in turn would lead me not to consider this person for other opportunities. It's a lack of flexibility in the mindset, I guess, that is off-putting.

The sick days thing... hey, they could be totally legit, and if they are, more power to the friend for using them. On the other hand, if there's a pattern where the friend can't be depended on any time things get busy and stressful, well, promotions tend to lead to more stress and business.

I don't know. I don't have enough information from this letter to come down on either side. Maybe the office culture of this workplace is such that work-life balance is completely out of whack and workaholism is the only way to curry favor. In that case, it sounds like Friend isn't in the right place if she's truly wanting to advance. On the other hand, maybe the office culture is normal and work-life balance is a thing that is encouraged, but Friend is showing herself unwilling to be flexible/work as part of the team/disinterested in promotions or opportunities.

Either way it sounds to me like Friend maybe should be thinking carefully about how she fits into her current role and whether she might not fit better with some other office or role.

[shirou]

I like your way of looking at this. On one hand, you want people to maintain work/life balance and exercise the rights to which they're entitled, like sick leave and lunch breaks. On the other hand, you also want people to take responsibility, step up when necessary, be flexible and dependable, and generally take ownership of the quality of their unit's output. It's a problem if the management expects employees to regularly skip breaks or stay late, but it's also a problem if an employee is unwilling to contribute during an occasional busy period when everyone else is working extra.