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You do not have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem
1. Dear Amy: I’ve been with my husband for 18 years (married for two years). We have two children.
His mother has never been nice to me. She’s very passive-aggressive. She acts like I stole her son from her.
I used to brush it off, but it took a turn for the worst after our first baby was born. They’ve only visited twice (they live a distance away), but her behavior includes: requesting group pictures without me in them, saying that my cooking was “just okay,” and – the worst – I retrieved a voicemail she left (accidentally), calling me a “b**ch” for not answering the phone.
I had a horrible c-section and my baby was in the NICU.
She’s always raining on the happiest moments of my life, posting constantly on Facebook. She’ll post 30 memes a day that I believe are directed toward me. My husband recently admitted that she hates me. I know I would be happier if she wasn’t like this. My kids would have a happier mom if I didn’t have to put up with this.
I’ve taken Facebook breaks because of her, but it’s the only way I connect with my family, who also live far away. My husband doesn’t want to get involved, and I don’t blame him. We buy her gifts and call her, but it’s not enough. She’s always looking for gifts, but never gives in return.
I really don’t like her negative energy and don’t know what to do about it. Your advice, please?
– Tired of Being Bullied
Dear Tired: Your mother-in-law lives far away from you and doesn’t visit.
Aside from those times when you get in touch with her, your main contact with her seems to be through Facebook.
She sounds like a mean meme queen. You are also sensitized to and hyper-aware of her passive-aggression. Passive-aggression is hard to counter. Minimizing access will help.
“Unfriend,” block, or hide all of her postings on Facebook. This is easily done. Without this constant triggering, you should be able to catch a breath, stiffen your backbone, and advocate for yourself.
Because your husband will not enforce boundaries on your behalf, let him manage his own relationship with his mother. Your contact will be minimal.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/askamy/s-2734644?fs
His mother has never been nice to me. She’s very passive-aggressive. She acts like I stole her son from her.
I used to brush it off, but it took a turn for the worst after our first baby was born. They’ve only visited twice (they live a distance away), but her behavior includes: requesting group pictures without me in them, saying that my cooking was “just okay,” and – the worst – I retrieved a voicemail she left (accidentally), calling me a “b**ch” for not answering the phone.
I had a horrible c-section and my baby was in the NICU.
She’s always raining on the happiest moments of my life, posting constantly on Facebook. She’ll post 30 memes a day that I believe are directed toward me. My husband recently admitted that she hates me. I know I would be happier if she wasn’t like this. My kids would have a happier mom if I didn’t have to put up with this.
I’ve taken Facebook breaks because of her, but it’s the only way I connect with my family, who also live far away. My husband doesn’t want to get involved, and I don’t blame him. We buy her gifts and call her, but it’s not enough. She’s always looking for gifts, but never gives in return.
I really don’t like her negative energy and don’t know what to do about it. Your advice, please?
– Tired of Being Bullied
Dear Tired: Your mother-in-law lives far away from you and doesn’t visit.
Aside from those times when you get in touch with her, your main contact with her seems to be through Facebook.
She sounds like a mean meme queen. You are also sensitized to and hyper-aware of her passive-aggression. Passive-aggression is hard to counter. Minimizing access will help.
“Unfriend,” block, or hide all of her postings on Facebook. This is easily done. Without this constant triggering, you should be able to catch a breath, stiffen your backbone, and advocate for yourself.
Because your husband will not enforce boundaries on your behalf, let him manage his own relationship with his mother. Your contact will be minimal.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/askamy/s-2734644?fs
no subject
Tough luck, because he IS involved! This is his mom, and she's being a total witch to his wife for no fucking reason*! So he needs to buck up and back her up - starting with telling her in no uncertain terms that either this stops or she loses contact.
Meanwhile, LW needs to fucking block all that shit on facebook and elsewhere, stop buying this woman gifts, and never ever speak to this woman again. Let her son deal with her.
* Unless there is no passive-aggression and LW is seeing that where it doesn't exist. I don't think that's the case here, but it could happen, so if that's what's going on then he needs to... basically do the same thing, which is manage all communication with his mom so she and his wife never interact. And do it without whining.
no subject
no subject
Hypervigilance is not fun. Unless there's some indication that the Just-No MIL here is going to extend beyond Facebook and phone, maybe into Grandparents' Rights territory, block away.
Husband needs to figure out what level of asshattery from his mom is a Problem, and what can be just left for her to stew in by herself.
US bias
Unfriend/block away!
no subject
(Those options remain open, but "unfollow" will get this unpleasant woman off her FB feed.)
And, yes, the husband needs to manage all communication with his mother from now on.
no subject