minoanmiss (
minoanmiss) wrote in
agonyaunt2022-10-13 09:30 pm
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Dear Prudence: My Boyfriend’s “Beliefs” Are Putting Me in Danger.
Worried I Kissed Another Frog: I’ve been dating a man since December 2021 who is absolutely wonderful and we are even talking about marriage…except we don’t see eye to eye on politics which was made even more apparent with the recent SCOTUS rulings. We resolved to have a “We will support each other but have different viewpoints” rule.
After a week I hesitantly asked the question: Are you COVID vaccinated? Almost scared of the answer because I knew what it would be… No. It is entirely my fault for not having this conversation earlier in the relationship because I have Lupus and taking several immunosuppressive medications.
With the newest COVID variant being so contagious I am very worried he will end up catching it and with us now spending so much time together, I will too. When I asked if he would do it for me he said, short answer “No,” long answer (insert long list of political ideology here).
How do I explain how important this is to my health? I have five kids all under 18 from my previous marriage, and I worry about leaving too soon already with my health. Should I just throw away a relationship that finally makes me happy because of political differences?
A: Ughhh. I absolutely hate it when views about things that are very real and very serious aspects of life (Racism! Homophobia! Staying alive!) are minimized and dismissed as “political differences” just because people on one side of the political spectrum have decided to be dumb or hateful about them. Seriously, this is a huge pet peeve of mine. You don’t have a political difference, (I mean, you probably do! And, as I’ve argued before, it probably represents a difference in your entire worldview, your relationship to facts, and your compassion for others but that’s another column…) you have a difference in the extent to which you value your ability to avoid having COVID on top of Lupus and suffering whatever consequences that brings. You value it a lot. He values it not a lot. You don’t “explain” that to him, you take the information he is sharing with you about how little he gives a damn, and you decide whether this is the person you want to marry.
P.S. The “We will support each other but have different viewpoints” rule leads to a LOT of women writing me letters about how they’re horrified and disgusted by their husbands so if you move forward, don’t be surprised if you end up there.