agonyaunt | (no subject)

(no subject)

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee has been married twice and insists on maintaining contact with four prior sexual partners (other than husbands). Most of the contact is by Facebook, instant message and cellphone. But one former partner is a high school classmate she sees every year at class "get-togethers."

I think what she's doing is inappropriate and will certainly be so after we are married. She insists they are just "friends" and I am being immature and "untrusting." She's adamant that she is unwilling to cease contact with these former sexual partners (now friends) under any circumstances. What's a guy to do? -- CROWDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CROWDED: A "guy" either accepts what his fiancee is telling him -- that these old flames are just friends now -- or he terminates the engagement and starts searching for a woman he believes he CAN trust.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2728107

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LW's fiancee can do better. Seriously, who wants to be with somebody who boils down everybody you've ever met into "sexual partner" and "not sexual partner", and then tells you which of them you can still be friends with?

Dude doesn't even have the decency to say honestly "I don't trust you", no, he pretends it's about how appropriate it all is. You know what's inappropriate? Being a jealous, controlling jerk.

Good heavens, she sees one of them once a year when her class has its yearly reunion! Whatever shall we do!

Edited 2022-09-29 03:24 (UTC)

Ah, the vague universal "appropriate" rather than owning his own feelings. Sheesh, dude, maybe you should be glad your fiancee doesn't demonize her exes?

"former sexual partners (now friends)" - a telling way to phrase it. I bet his fiancee would say "still friends," not "now friends," and there's a difference.

one former partner is a high school classmate she sees every year at class "get-togethers."

Does he mean, you know, 'class reunions'? As opposed to, oh, literal orgies of nostalgia for the lost times of youth? which he seems to be loading in the subtext?

Anyway, he is being jealous of her high school boyfriend!!!

We wonder whether this is not so much about 'being on terms of friendship with former partners' as actually having had former partners and being on amiable terms. I note we do not hear anything about his track record...

Gee, dude, thanks for confirming that you'd be a controlling husband!

This is a very 50s-style form of possessiveness. There really was a crapton of advice about not being close with former attachments.

It ain't the 50s anymore, guy. Cope.

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