What gets me here is not that LW's daughter, along with these other kids, is being so awful. I don't want to handwave that away, but that can happen even with the best parenting.
No, what I see is that Daughter's argument, that she used to defend herself to her mother, is that Millie is being "rude" by not conforming.
That's an incredibly stupid argument, as noted, and I can't shake the feeling that the only reason any child would use it to their parents is if, for some reason, their parents spent the last 14 years somehow not teaching them acceptable behavior and why "they're not like me" isn't a reason for bullying.
14 years old is a bit late to suddenly start talking about the value of human diversity!
I'm also struck by the fact that LW seems to think of this and the previous incident as isolated one-offs. "There was once an issue at her school where several unnamed children were being very rude online" - yeah, that was then, and this is now, and now there is ALSO an issue where several unnamed children at your kid's school are being very rude online, which makes this seem like a pattern - and I have no doubt that they're also "being very rude" in person.
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No, what I see is that Daughter's argument, that she used to defend herself to her mother, is that Millie is being "rude" by not conforming.
That's an incredibly stupid argument, as noted, and I can't shake the feeling that the only reason any child would use it to their parents is if, for some reason, their parents spent the last 14 years somehow not teaching them acceptable behavior and why "they're not like me" isn't a reason for bullying.
14 years old is a bit late to suddenly start talking about the value of human diversity!
I'm also struck by the fact that LW seems to think of this and the previous incident as isolated one-offs. "There was once an issue at her school where several unnamed children were being very rude online" - yeah, that was then, and this is now, and now there is ALSO an issue where several unnamed children at your kid's school are being very rude online, which makes this seem like a pattern - and I have no doubt that they're also "being very rude" in person.
LW is not taking this seriously enough.