Dear Prudence: My Deacon Father is a loud Creationist

[minoanmiss]

Dear Prudence,

My (now) husband and I grew up in a somewhat religious community—think all day Sunday at church and another four nights a week of church functions. It was wonderful for us to have such a joyful and supportive community that included our large extended families. We’ve had children (two children now, more on the way!) and they are eagerly part of this century-old family tradition.

One minor thing: I need a script for how to deal with my father, a deacon in the church and the family patriarch. We’re fine with him bringing Jesus into every conversation—where else does our Lord have to be anyway? But I believe in evolution, and I want my children to also believe in evolution, as that is the science. My father does not believe in evolution, he is very vocal about this, and I do not have the background to debate his points. What do I say when he pulls out ironclad arguments like “Adam and Eve weren’t apes” or “I’ve been going to the zoo for 40 years and the monkeys are still monkeys?” I become bamboozled and have to back down, and my husband (he reads Slate) is no use, he just wants to get along. I don’t want to shame my father or make him back down. I want my father to see that science does not conflict with the scripture, science proves the scripture, know what I mean?

—Evolution Not Eve-olution

Dear Evolution,

To really answer this, I need to know more about your relationship to your religion. I get that you enjoy the supportive community the church provides, but what do you actually make of the basic beliefs that are fueling all those church functions? Do you buy into everything in the Bible except creationism? Do you believe in both creationism and evolution? (I don’t want to get too into it but you wouldn’t be alone if you did—there are denominations that believe “God actually may have used evolution in the process of creation.”) Are there other parts that you reject? Do you kind of take it all with a grain of salt? Do you believe in the basic lessons but not the way members of your community apply them to modern issues? Do you want your children to make Jesus a part of every conversation? Every decision? Some? Whose version of Jesus?

Whatever it is, the most important thing to do is to get really clear about what you think, and why. And then tell your kids, in as simple terms as possible. “I believe this … You might hear grandpa and other people at church say this … Here’s why I disagree, and here’s why that’s not what we’re teaching you.” Engaging in a debate with a deacon who does not believe in science (at least not as much as he believes in his religion) at every family meal is not the way to go. He’s built his whole life around his beliefs and there’s practically no chance you’ll change his mind. You’re much better off preparing your children to interpret (or disregard) what they hear from him in a way that makes sense for your family.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

Yeah, my mother (who has a hard-earned degree in Biology) told me about microevolution vs macroevolution. I was unimpressed.

I didn't know the moth example was being reexamined. We learn something new every day!

[conuly]

Yeah, and even if, upon reexamination, it turns out that the story is 100% true anyway - the creationists are gonna keep repeating that it's a lie, so you need to pick a different example. (That, or they'll say "But they're still moths!!!!!!!" like that means anything.)