#4: Do not hire a cleaner, good lord! If nothing else, that suggests to the kids that Dad's attitude of entitlement is acceptable and his behavior bears fruit. Hiring a cleaner also wouldn't help with the actual problem! Someone coming in every couple of weeks to mop the floors and clean the counters isn't going to do anything about hubby refusing to do something as basic as clearing the table.
Sure, Pay Dirt is right in pointing out that Dad doing his part won't make the kids pitch in of their own volition – but it would mean they couldn't argue that it's unfair for them to be asked to, because Dad doesn't have to.
Also: household expenses are my responsibility (he pays for bills and rent, and I take care of an ever-expanding and ever-costlier list of “everything else”) really doesn't seem to me like a good way to handle finances.
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Sure, Pay Dirt is right in pointing out that Dad doing his part won't make the kids pitch in of their own volition – but it would mean they couldn't argue that it's unfair for them to be asked to, because Dad doesn't have to.
Also: household expenses are my responsibility (he pays for bills and rent, and I take care of an ever-expanding and ever-costlier list of “everything else”) really doesn't seem to me like a good way to handle finances.