I am bringing my own baggage to this, as someone who has had to go to war with the "you must perform positivity to my satisfaction!" people in my own family. But I'll try to be fair to LW.
First of all: stop demanding that they have experiences, and report their experiences, in Exactly The Right Way. Let them be their own people, and take them at their word about their own lives. Maybe it IS too hot and the sand IS annoying and they have a right to say so! And for god's sake stop threatening to withdraw good things or condemn them as ungrateful for (gasp!) having emotions you didn't authorize.
Second: take responsibility for your own emotions. It is perfectly reasonable to say "It's really a downer for me if we only talk about the unpleasant parts of the day/trip/whatever. Can we mention some positive things, for my sake?" It is NOT reasonable to present this as some Immutable Truth about their Bad Behavior. YOU are the one who is upset, LW. You're not an objective observer from on high, you're a person with a perspective. Own it.
Third: you can't tell if they need to vent, or need real problems solved? ASK THEM. Ask outright. "Do you need to generally vent some irritation/frustration, or do you need some help/advice with a problem?" You can set boundaries about how much you are willing to listen to venting! You cannot (should not) act like their venting is a terrible offense against your OMG SO PERFECT parenting.
Fourth: Depression exists. Did you know that? No, kids are not immune. Aggressively demanding positivity and punishing them for expressing unhappiness will seriously exacerbate any mental health problems they may be suffering, or even create new mental health problems. Set boundaries around how much negativity you can absorb, but within those boundaries, try to be really present. Try to remember that you do actually CARE about your kids' unhappiness. (You do, right?) Be open, be honest about your own struggles (to a reasonable degree given age and maturity - don't trauma-dump on children, but if you have had times in your life when everything felt like shit, you can share that! you don't have to be Perfectly Positive Mom!), be willing to hear it if they tell you that - despite all the good things you listed! - they feel really bad, all the time. That's not something to blame them for. That's your cue to offer support and kindness - maybe therapy if you can swing it, maybe medical checkups for the usual suspects for low energy and mood, etc. Don't just assume it's "kid moodiness" and leave it at that.
And maybe they are just inherently Eeyore-ish, and you're a Pollyanna (to mix literary references), and you're going to have to negotiate how to be kind to each other without overwriting each others' personalities. But you can't engage in good-faith negotiations, LW, while you're up on that high horse condemning the Insufficiently Grateful Children.
no subject
First of all: stop demanding that they have experiences, and report their experiences, in Exactly The Right Way. Let them be their own people, and take them at their word about their own lives. Maybe it IS too hot and the sand IS annoying and they have a right to say so! And for god's sake stop threatening to withdraw good things or condemn them as ungrateful for (gasp!) having emotions you didn't authorize.
Second: take responsibility for your own emotions. It is perfectly reasonable to say "It's really a downer for me if we only talk about the unpleasant parts of the day/trip/whatever. Can we mention some positive things, for my sake?" It is NOT reasonable to present this as some Immutable Truth about their Bad Behavior. YOU are the one who is upset, LW. You're not an objective observer from on high, you're a person with a perspective. Own it.
Third: you can't tell if they need to vent, or need real problems solved? ASK THEM. Ask outright. "Do you need to generally vent some irritation/frustration, or do you need some help/advice with a problem?" You can set boundaries about how much you are willing to listen to venting! You cannot (should not) act like their venting is a terrible offense against your OMG SO PERFECT parenting.
Fourth: Depression exists. Did you know that? No, kids are not immune. Aggressively demanding positivity and punishing them for expressing unhappiness will seriously exacerbate any mental health problems they may be suffering, or even create new mental health problems. Set boundaries around how much negativity you can absorb, but within those boundaries, try to be really present. Try to remember that you do actually CARE about your kids' unhappiness. (You do, right?) Be open, be honest about your own struggles (to a reasonable degree given age and maturity - don't trauma-dump on children, but if you have had times in your life when everything felt like shit, you can share that! you don't have to be Perfectly Positive Mom!), be willing to hear it if they tell you that - despite all the good things you listed! - they feel really bad, all the time. That's not something to blame them for. That's your cue to offer support and kindness - maybe therapy if you can swing it, maybe medical checkups for the usual suspects for low energy and mood, etc. Don't just assume it's "kid moodiness" and leave it at that.
And maybe they are just inherently Eeyore-ish, and you're a Pollyanna (to mix literary references), and you're going to have to negotiate how to be kind to each other without overwriting each others' personalities. But you can't engage in good-faith negotiations, LW, while you're up on that high horse condemning the Insufficiently Grateful Children.