I didn't actually mean to read Dear Abby today.

[conuly]

It's just that I had to google the childcare habits of wild turkeys, and then Dear Abby was in the sidebar. Anyway, this is the last one.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a business and work together. He takes care of sales, and I keep the books.

I have raised his children, scheduled all appointments and taken care of everyone’s needs, including the pets. I also do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc.

I tend to suffer from depression and need at least eight hours of sleep each night. Because of this, I work at the office only four to five hours a day.

My husband cannot understand why I don’t work eight to 10 hours a day.

I get done what need to be done. Of the many other businesses we’ve known, the wives are expected to do this.

How do I make him understand?

WORKING ENOUGH IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORKING ENOUGH: From your description of your weekly activities, you are not only living up to normal expectations, but exceeding them.

Explain to your husband that people are individuals. Human bodies don’t all function alike. If he can’t get that through his head, have your doctor explain it to him.

Has he considered what it would cost him to hire someone else to do all the jobs you are doing? Perhaps he should consider that before criticizing and flogging you to do more. Tell him you’ll spend an extra hour or so at the office if he agrees to take up some of the slack at home.

P.S. I can understand why you “tend to suffer from depression.” You are married to a slave driver.

https://www.mercurynews.com/2022/06/18/dear-abby-i-do-my-job-so-why-is-he-insisting-i-put-in-8-hours/

Comments

[conuly]

Okay, so first of all, eight hours a day is the minimum that adults need. Even if you actually don't need eight hours, you should always insist on your right to a full eight hours uninterrupted sleep time, and if you don't sleep for that full period, read a book or something. Unless you are taking care of a child who is not capable of sleeping through the night, or there's some sort of emergency, you're entitled to forty damn winks of beauty rest every single day.

That's not a depression thing. That's just a reality thing.

Secondly, LW is working eight to ten hours every day. She's doing it at home. He wants her at the office? Well, then, let him pay a housekeeper to do all the stuff she's doing now.

But you know how you can get him to understand? Stop doing it. Stop making the family appointments. Stop doing the laundry. Stop cooking the meals and cleaning the house. Stop keeping the kids from cutting up the curtains and painting on the sofa. Just - stop.

And stop working for the family business as well. Take that bookkeeping and get a paying job somewhere else. Let Hubby handle his own shit.

[lassarina]

Girl, get a new husband, JFC.

I mean I realize that's not the actual solution, but it might be the most elegant one for this situation.

I have disordered sleep and on nights when I can actually get and stay asleep, I'll conk out for a solid 9-10 hours - because I need it to make up for the many, many nights when it's 6, or 4, or sometimes gods forbid 2.

She deserves her sleep and he deserves to understand how much she's doing.

[sathari]

For once, Abby nailed it, specifically with that P.S. LW is, in fact, working more than 8-10 hours per day. Probably by a lot. The eight hours of sleep that she needs are likely the only time that she is not, in fact, working.

Do I need to say that I do not think that's in any way all right?

[cereta]

Fucking Second Shift.

[lavendertook]

Kill him in his sleep. No one will miss him.

[oursin]

First, insure his life for a substantial sum. And devise some suitably undetectable/untraceable means for his demise.

[minoanmiss]

Most people sleep soundly enough as to not feel a small pinprick in their sleep, and corpses are put on their backs to be autopsied, so a tiny hypodermic wound in the back might never be noticed...

[cynthia1960]

oh wow, I'm humming "Cell Block Tango" from the musical "Chicago" just reading all of this....