Care and Feeding: "All I’m hearing is a bunch of excuses."

[jadelennox]

Dear Care and Feeding, How does a parent maintain a creative hobby?

Dear Care and Feeding,

How does a parent maintain a creative hobby? I’m an artist, and although I’m certainly not famous, I was lucky enough to support myself on commissions and selling pieces for most of my adult life. I wasn’t expecting to be able to work nearly as much with a baby, but between general baby/toddler chaos and COVID-19 lockdowns, it seems like there’s never a moment where I have time to be creative. We live far enough north that we’re mostly stuck inside until April/May, and it seems like the only way to see time passing is my beautiful baby outgrowing her clothes or learning new words. I’ve tried to sit down and make something after my daughter goes to bed, but after a full day with a baby (understimulating but somehow still exhausting) my brain is mush, and I just want to be passively entertained by the TV or a podcast. Plus, it feels like I need to spend every second I’m not parenting cleaning, meal prepping, or dealing with something I couldn’t do while she was awake. I’m sure it just takes time management, but it feels like I don’t have enough hours in the day as it is, and all of my brain power goes to taking care of my daughter.

My husband works on remote sites for months at a time, so I’m basically single parenting and can’t ask him to help out with the baby or chores. I love my daughter more than anything, but there’s a part of me that can’t be fulfilled without creative expression, and I’ve been trying to shove it down since she was born. Even just being able to work on a project in stolen moments would be a relief, but I give everything I have to keeping our life together and it’s still not enough.

—Uncreative Parenting

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Dear Uncreative Parenting,

May I offer you some tough love here? All I’m hearing is a bunch of excuses. Millions of parents across America pursue their side hustles in all types of fields—and many make money in the process. If they can do it, why can’t you?

It could require you to work on your passion while your baby is sleeping—even if you want to be sleeping, too. It could mean that your house will be incredibly messy so you can get some stuff done. It could mean that you’ll find a nanny or recruit a family member/friend to babysit so you can focus on your dreams. If you talk to any successful person with young children, they will share similar stories of the sacrifices they made to make it to where they are now.

It truly comes down to how badly you want it. In other words, are you window shopping on your dreams or are you ready to do whatever it takes to achieve them? Best-selling author Brendon Burchard said it best: “Mediocrity begins the precise moment you swap the love for a challenge with the love of comfort.”

Great people do hard things, and I hope you’ll step up and accept the challenge to live your best life.

—Doyin