Ask a Manager: Job Searching When Trans and Not Out To References

[minoanmiss]

Job searching when you’re trans and not out to your references

I may be in a position to start job searching soon, but I’m a bit worried about my references … or rather, my lack thereof. While I’ve been part of the workforce for several years now, I came out as a transgender woman a few years ago. Although I’m normally out and proud about that, none of my previous references are aware.

To me, this means that if i were to use any references beyond the current one who does know, I would either have to come out to older references or share my previous name with any prospective employers. The latter seems manageable for me if it’s kept to HR or recruiting, checking on my previous job history, but I’m deeply uncomfortable with coming out to past references (I used to work in a very conservative environment) or sharing my previous name with a potential supervisor or coworker who I don’t really know yet. Do you have any suggestions for how I should approach this? Who normally checks references, HR or the hiring manager?



Whether HR or the hiring manager checks references depends on the company (and sometimes on the individual manager; I’ve always insisted on doing my own reference checks when I’m hiring); you definitely can’t assume it will be one or the other.

Typically I’ve seen trans candidates advised to reach out to references ahead of time to prep them, but obviously this is tougher if you don’t want to come out to them. One possibility is to use only references who you’re comfortable coming out to but that could be unrealistically limiting. If that’s the case, you’re stuck having to choose between whether you’d rather share that info with the references or with the new employer (in the latter case saying something like, “The following people knew me as OldName”). Neither is ideal since it takes the choice of whether or not to come out out of your hands. Trans readers, what’s your advice on this?

Comments

[conuly]

Ugh, talk about a rock and a hard place.

[frenzy]

Do employers still look at references? I still job hunt and search under my dead name/gender because it’s less legally confusing. It’s only after I get hired that I tell them I go by a different first name. But I don’t even have references on my resume. Just “references available upon request”.

[xenacryst]

Thoughts, in no particular order, as a trans-adjacent individual:

Yes, many employers still check references. However, it's not actually that useful, because you can't vet the references - or, when you can, they can't actually give you what you're looking for. What people want when they want to check references: "I want to see if this person knows what they claim to and that they will be a good cultural fit for my team." A reference can't answer the latter, and a decent interview will answer the former, and a reference could, really, be anyone, and candidates typically cherry pick their best references. The only reference you can trust to tell you something concrete is an HR reference, and all they're usually allowed to do is confirm employment dates and whether you left on good terms. Good hiring managers know this and aren't surprised when the reference isn't useful in the original sense. Bad hiring managers are an indication that you want to avoid the company. (Some hiring managers just do a background check, which may present its own difficulties in this situation, too.)

So, what I would do as a trans job seeker is contact HR at previous jobs, tell them my deadname and name, and say that someone from X will be contacting them as a reference. HR should be obligated to keep that information confidential, and will tell the employer only that yes, you worked there and your dates. This doesn't work so well, though if former employers either don't have an HR team or don't have a *functional* HR team that you can trust.

[likeaduck]

This, yes.

I have also reached out to e.g. a former supervisor or colleague I had the best relationship with and/or the best hope of confidentiality from (sometimes one who was no longer with the company I had worked for) or otherwise made one-on-one connections to disclose and request references, which can be a bit less intimidating than calling the office itself or the current manager and feeling more like I'm outing myself to the whole team.