agonyaunt | (no subject)

My wife is 12 weeks pregnant with our first child. We just made her pregnancy public to everyone. I manage a staff of nine. One of them is upset because she heard me answer another staff member's question about whether we have chosen a name. We have chosen a name that can be given to either a boy or a girl and has significance to both our families.

My staff member is upset because she wants to use that same name when she has kids. She is not currently pregnant and said herself there are no immediate plans for kids in her future. Even if she were pregnant, I don't see why our using the name means she can't.

Ever since she heard me answer the question, she has been cold and huffy toward me. She won't talk to me unless she has no other choice, and some of my other staff came to me because she is telling everyone who works here what a bad boss I am. However, she continues to complete all her work properly, be professional and warm to clients, arrive on time, etc. I don't know if I can or should do anything because her work is up to par. The name won't change, so I'm not sure how to address this with my staff member.

Agh, the people who think they have dibs on baby names. And it's playing out particularly weirdly here.

You could give it a few weeks and see if she regains her senses, or you could just talk to her head-on now. I vote for the latter. You could say something like this: "Jane, your behavior toward me has changed since you found out that my wife and I plan to name our baby Magenta. Can you tell me what's going on?" ... Followed by, "I understand that you're upset, but our choice in baby name has nothing to do with anyone here, and I'm sure you understand that we're not going to change it because someone else also liked the name." ... Followed by, "It's not OK to treat anyone here this way because of their choice of a baby name. I need you to figure out whether you can return to our regular working relationship. If you decide that you can't, then we need to figure out how to proceed since it's not tenable to have this kind of tension in the office. Do you want to take a few days to think about whether you can move forward?"

The idea here is to call her on the behavior, make it clear that it can't continue (because it can't, even if the rest of her work is good), and push her to decide whether she can pull herself together or not.

https://www.inc.com/alison-green/my-employee-is-angry-that-im-using-a-baby-name-she-wants-to-use.html

Threaded | Flat

Oh my Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

wow - just, wow.

that's even odder than the woman who lost it because a relative's rescue dog had the name she wanted to use. she demanded they change the dog's name (owner refused)

aren't some people ~~interesting~~ batshit?

i wonder if the employee is actually struggling with infertility or somethign like that. its the only way i could understand them being upset.

... and that is why you reveal a name AFTER the child is born...
Though that probably wouldn't have helped in this case. Still, this whole weird thing might give the name a slightly bad after taste for the prospective parents.

Staff member is clearly someone who's never had kids, because if she had she would discover that the name she thought was unique and interesting turns out to be shared by half her kid's daycare class.

And also: what the actual?

Alison is right to focus her advice on maintaining an appropriate working relationship. The employee can have whatever (bizarre) feelings she wants about the name. She cannot allow those feelings to affect her behavior at work or interfere with anyone's ability to do their job.

What the ENTIRE FUCK

Isn't the whole "one unique name per child" a mormon thing? I remember reading something about how mormon women were encouraged to plan their marriage and motherhood, and there was a lot of drama over "stealing" names, so that led to the mothers coming up with increasingly creative spellings of the same names to avoid these kind of accusations.