But I Like This Ring

[legionseagle]

Q. But I like this ring: My uncle “Bill” adopted me several years ago and we lived together. I have a relationship with him like a father and a son. Bill retired last year and decided to move to a retirement community. He gave me our house as my own, and he gave away a bunch of his other possessions at a big party. In addition to the house, he gave me a really nice ring. I absolutely love it, and I love the way I feel when I wear it.

However, a family friend, “Greg,” doesn’t approve of the ring. He showed me an inscription inside the ring that shows it came from a war. Greg said it was a horrible war, and I shouldn’t keep the ring.

Greg, in fact, thinks I should destroy it! I asked my friends what they think, and they told me they will support whatever I do. What do you think?
 

 A: The inscription is on the inside of the ring, meaning no one will see it. And the ring’s meaning to you has to do with Bill (and the fact that you really like how it looks), not what it says inside. I don’t see an issue here, and I wish Greg would mind his own business and leave you alone. Wear it in peace!


 

From slate.com/human-interest/2022/02/girlfriend-thinks-im-a-mansplainer-dear-prudence-advice.html

Comments

[tielan]

Um. One of the commenters at the site said "this is the plot of Lord of the Rings" and, um...it is.

[legionseagle]

Yes, I know. The comments section is a sight to behold (I particularly liked the one from the woman who was broken up with at the altar and who is now only wearing her wedding dress to meet guests, not every day.)

[minoanmiss]

Ahahhahahahahaha literary references FTW

[ioplokon]

Haha oh shit, I missed that.

[legionseagle]

I still thought you were doing a much better job than Prudie at answering it.

[gingicat]

Interesting that LW isn't sharing the inscription. Is it something horrible?

[legionseagle]

Prudie's grossly negligent not to ask, in my view. I mean, even if it isn't Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul it's obviously something Greg has strong feelings about, and I don't think anyone can pretend to judge the situation without probing why.

[minoanmiss]

It starts, "one ring to rule them all..."

(ahahahahahahah I cannot stop giggling)

[bikergeek]

"This ring and no other is made by the Elves,
Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves.
Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop,
This is a ring that packs quite a wallop.
If broken or busted, it cannot be remade;
If found, send to Sorhed, with postage prepaid."

[petra]

A+

[legionseagle]

Missing reasons all over this one. I wouldn't be surprised if the person who posted this shared my opinion that the current incarnation of Prudie is a) terrible; and b) phoning it in. Leaving aside the Nazgul in the Prancing Pony for the moment, on its own terms the lack of curiosity about why "Greg" reacts so badly is startling.

[minoanmiss]

Making myself take this seriously for a second, you're absolutely right. Why does Greg think it's his business?

(Because the Valar told him it is ahahahahahhahahahaha)

[julian]

Oh, look, Nazi memorabilia! How pleasant.

[purlewe]

this.

[shirou]

That was my first thought as well. Even if the inscription was on inside and nobody but me (and Greg) knew it was there, I would not want a Nazi ring on my finger.

[gingicat]

Exactly.

[kindkit]

"It came from a war"? Does that mean it was looted? That's what it sounds like. So what about the person who used to own it? I'm sure it was precious to them. It seems to me that the LW ought to give it back.

[legionseagle]

Yet another highly relevant question Prudie isn't asking (also what sort of person gives valuable presents including a house away at a party? I think in Prudie's place I'd be asking LW some pretty searching questions about his uncle's mental and physical health, and whether he received independent legal advice - if only to make sure LW is protected if any of the rest of the family start kicking up a fuss about elder abuse or undue influence or whatever.)

[adrian_turtle]

It's close enough to things I've actually seen that it took a few readings for me to twig to the fact that the LW probably threw it in to make it parallel the Fellowship of the Ring.

What sort of person gives valuable presents away at a party? Somebody moving from a large house to a small apartment (maybe in another city or an assisted living community.) Somebody planning to get rid of the bulk of their possessions, and go travel the world. "Friends! Come over and have one last party in the big house before I sell it. Tom is taking the pool table, but let's play with it for now. Who wants which books? Does anyone need Passover dishes?" But in all those situations, people give away bulky stuff and keep a little box of small sentimentally important jewelry.

[melannen]

Right? Also if the friend was able to recognize it right away, there's a chance it's something other people would recognize, too, and if it's illegally obtained war loot or if it's associated with a group like the Nazis, the fact that it reminds you of Uncle Bill won't matter to other people who recognize it!

This is terrible advice all around.

[legionseagle]

It really is objectively awful advice on every single metric.

[legionseagle]

In fact, if it's associated with some proscribed organisation or whatever, LW's wearing it is likely to act as a signal to them that he's either an existing sympathiser or open to conversion.

[adrian_turtle]

I have a sneaking suspicion it's associated with some bit of US history that isn't proscribed, but used to be praised in many places that now try to quietly brush it under the rug. (Maybe one of the Indian wars? Those ended in 1890, and were fought in part for silver. They gave medals of honor for what they should have called war crimes.) Bill obviously didn't fight at Little Big Horn, but he may have inherited his favorite ring from a beloved grandfather who did.

[kindkit]

Good point about possible Nazi connections. Given the war association and this inscription that frankly sounds kind of sinister, well, who knows what this ring was made for? What purpose it might serve?

Probably not a great idea for LW to wear it. Maybe he should destroy it.

[jadelennox]

my thought as soon as I read this was "looted Nazi memorabilia" and if that's the case, Greg is right, sorry, LW.

(specifically regarding Nazi loot, aside from larger ethical questions, neo-nazis and white supremacists actively collected Nazi memorabilia, and wearing the ring might make both nazis and non-Nazis think the wearer is sympathetic to Nazi ideology which is to say is a Nazi, which is hardly ideal for LW, unless that's what they're trying to do.)

[melannen]

I'm thinking it's probably not actually Nazi, because I feel like even kids these days would not need Uncle Greg to tell them that WWII was a terrible war (at least if they were old enough to own a house!) But there have been plenty of other terrible wars in the last century with genocidal race-supremacists involved, and the same things apply. And frankly, 'why does LW not name what war it was' should have been the first thing Prudie asked.

And if it's not that, it could be illegally war-looted art or antiquities! Possibly something high-profile enough that somebody interested in the topic of missing, looted rings would know what it was right away, or only need a little time to confirm. In which case LW might face legal issues too. (And has a moral obligation to track down the true owner and return it to them one way or another!)

[legionseagle]

Prudie should be sharp enough to notice when a whole lot of details are conveniently being omitted or glossed over and push back with LW as to why. Also, she's very quick to assume that Greg is butting in to something he's got no actual connection with, apart from his friendship with LW and his uncle, but given he's the one with the knowledge about the ring, perhaps he's even got some professional responsibilities in the relevant area.

[melannen]

Or maybe Greg even served in the war and has personal knowledge of how terrible it was, given how strong his feelings are on the subject!

Even if there isn't any obvious way other people would recognize the ring, LW, 'our good family friend Greg has really bad associations with it' ought to be a good enough reason to at least not wear it around him.

(You have to wonder where Greg was while Bill had the ring. But maybe Bill listened to him and kept it tucked away and almost never wore it.)

[legionseagle]

For all we know, Bill and Greg may even have discussed it between themselves and hammered out some sort of agreement about it.

[melannen]

Although in that case you'd think Bill would have warned his nephew. (Where is Bill in all this, anyway? 'Retired' isn't 'dead', and you'd think LW would be interested in his opinion.)

[legionseagle]

I think asking him would make a lot of sense.

[adrian_turtle]

Or Bill rolled his eyes, and Greg went home grumbling "old uncle Bill is maybe a bit racist [or a tool of the warmongering patriarchy, or whatever], but what can you do with baby boomers?"

[minoanmiss]

Precious, you say?

(ahahahahah I need to stop laughing)

[lilysea]

I want to know if this ring is associated with the Confederates in the American Civil War...

[ioplokon]

Oof yeah. Really not enough details here. Possibilities:
1. It's looted. In which case, don't keep it. Presumably the inscription includes details that could help identify the previous owners. Try to return it.
2. It's memorabilia from an army involved in terrible things (could be Nazi, but there are many other possibilities as well). Don't wear it. Probably should destroy it.
3. The most charitable interpretation: it comes from a war in which Greg and Bill both served & seeing it (perhaps especially on someone not-Bill) is painful for Greg due to his experience of the war. Don't wear it around Greg. Understand that people might view this as stolen valor-adjacent/disrespectful & decide how you feel about that.

[ysobel]

Treating this seriously: it really depends on how obvious the ring-war connection is, besides the inscription. A plain ring with sketchy inscription might be okay*, but something that is Blatantly Bad isn't.

* unless it turns you invisible, summons the Nazgul, and gradually warps your mind into insanity, in which case all bets are off