1. I'm not sure "addict" is the preferred term here. I don't know the preferred term, but I get the impression that LW doesn't care, and as this is his son, I think he ought to.
2. The divorce apparently is 100% not LW's fault.
3. LW's only approach to a child who "he would just sit and stare" when asked to do homework, something which sounds other than normal childhood misbehavior and possibly requires a therapist or, idk, an evaluation by a neuropsych, is "punishment". But he didn't even do that! He did nothing!
4. I don't think he ever loved me like a son normally loves his father, the way I loved and respected mine.
Yes, blame the child for not adequately respecting you, which is one of those weird red flag words when people talk about the parent-child relationship. Notice, too, that if his son doesn't love him this, like the divorce, is definitely not LW's fault.
5. Should I bother trying to get in contact with him while he is in jail?
Well, contact with family and friends helps reduce the recidivism rate. But LW, if you don't want to, you don't have to. You don't need Abby's permission or anybody else's.
Look, seriously, I get that having a family member with a severe mental illness, including addiction, is hard. I get that it may be necessary to reduce or eliminate contact for your own well-being. And yes, it's entirely possible that LW's son's addiction has absolutely nothing to do with him and that he really has done all a reasonable person would expect to help his son recover.
But everything about this letter rubs me the wrong way. I hope I'm reading it entirely wrong and misjudging him for no reason.
no subject
1. I'm not sure "addict" is the preferred term here. I don't know the preferred term, but I get the impression that LW doesn't care, and as this is his son, I think he ought to.
2. The divorce apparently is 100% not LW's fault.
3. LW's only approach to a child who "he would just sit and stare" when asked to do homework, something which sounds other than normal childhood misbehavior and possibly requires a therapist or, idk, an evaluation by a neuropsych, is "punishment". But he didn't even do that! He did nothing!
4. I don't think he ever loved me like a son normally loves his father, the way I loved and respected mine.
Yes, blame the child for not adequately respecting you, which is one of those weird red flag words when people talk about the parent-child relationship. Notice, too, that if his son doesn't love him this, like the divorce, is definitely not LW's fault.
5. Should I bother trying to get in contact with him while he is in jail?
Well, contact with family and friends helps reduce the recidivism rate. But LW, if you don't want to, you don't have to. You don't need Abby's permission or anybody else's.
Look, seriously, I get that having a family member with a severe mental illness, including addiction, is hard. I get that it may be necessary to reduce or eliminate contact for your own well-being. And yes, it's entirely possible that LW's son's addiction has absolutely nothing to do with him and that he really has done all a reasonable person would expect to help his son recover.
But everything about this letter rubs me the wrong way. I hope I'm reading it entirely wrong and misjudging him for no reason.